Coping with rejections

Fall admission results are out, and inevitably some of us weren't so lucky. Let us see how various people reacted upon getting their rejection letters.

Here is Mr Iyyer from Chennai

Namaskaaram Respected Sir/Madam,

You have simbly made a terrible mistake in rejecting me sir. My astrologer Vaidyanadan Muttiswami predicted that if I joining a college name beginning with T, I will be sure to get the nodel prize sir. He is a very powerful person, he predicted Rajanikant will become superstar in 1978 only no sir.

Please reconsider your decision in the face of divine prediction sir.

Yours Sincerely,
Kozhikode Vaikuntanadan Sriramachari Iyyer

What about our beloved Mum"bhai"? What was his reaction?

Aay Professor ke bachche,

Kaiko apunse pangaa leta hai? Apun ko - woh kya bolta? - admit maangta. Tere college mein chokri log mast rehta hai, aisa maine suna, kya? Isi liye admit maanga. Jyaada shaan patti nahi karne ka, kya? Apun ko underworld mein bahut connection hai, maalum? Ek siti maara to phir teri vaat lag gayi, samjho. ja ja ... admit de, chal.

Taplu Bhai, Mumbai

Our Shivajinagar brethen tried the old juicy-palms approach:

Salaam Sethu,

Kya ba tumm, mereko reject kardio? hum kaun, maalum? shivajinagar me mutton shop Mohommad ka beta Rustum. Hyderabad mein bees poultry pharm ka maalik ji hum. tum humko admit deta to, hum begum ko bolko tumhara ghar daily mutton and murga bhejta. dedo ba, tereko kya jaata?

Rustum Karim Khan

Here is an aNNavru fan overdosed on babruvahana

Oho! nannanne tiraskarisuva mattobba ee prithviya meliddaneye? trilokavanne geddu banda ee arjunanige sari saaTi yaarilla! dhairyaviddalli, ninna pourushavannu raNarangadalli torisu! tegeduko ninna astravannu! noDoNa ninna bhujabalada paraakrama. aa paarthane reco-letter barediruvaaga, nannannu tiraskarisalu ninageshTu dhairya?

ninna aTThaasavannu biTTu sharaNagatanaagu. tolagu!

The following person couldn't complete her mail before the paramedics came:

Oh my God! you rejected me! I can't believe you rejected me. how could you? why, oh God, why? why me? But, But you admitted that ... that Sally. What's she got more than me? Oh my God, I have trouble breathing ... OK,OK, take a deep breath ... OK ... look, there must have been a mistake. I can't ... just can't ... Dammit, I can't find my Alderall ... OK,OK ... there's still time ... just give me an admit ok ... ah! found 'em ... wait, what is this .. this isn't my meds ... rat poison? fuck oh fuck ...

There are brits, there are pompous brits ... and then there are pompous faux-brits:

My most sincere salutations to those who are reading this,

Permit me to apologize for this grotesque and garrulous waste of your precious time, but I am compelled to bring your notice a griveous injustice that has been done unto me. Upon perusing the contents of your letter this morning, I failed not to notice that you have, in error perhaps, deemed that I am not suitable for joining your illustrious institution as a student. Due modesty prevents me from illustrating my magnificent persona, but it the situation forces me to remark upon the fact that you will not find a better candidate than yours truly.

I beg thee, beseech thee even, to grant up onto this humble soul an admission.

Thanks,
Xumlelo Pmabngwa

Jaataka Tales

A few nights ago, while me and my roommate were chilling at Kaushik's place, for some reason the discussion turned to kunDlis and horoscopes. (Were we drunk? yes.) That got me thinking: What's in store for me in life? Will I live a hundred years and rule the world (my secret ambition) or will I die a destitute at 28? Will I ever work up the courage to ask Maalavika out? If I do, will she say yes? The answers to all this is of course in my jaataka!

Ancient Indian saadhus, using techniques unknown to modern man, figured out that the position of the planets at birth indeed determined a person's fate. In the old days, you would have to go to some sleazy old pandit to get yours done, but software has now taken his place. So firing up the mighty Google, I found Horoscope Explorer^TM, which claimed that it was the most comprehensive software available. And the trial version could be used up to 120 times! (Seriously. Who wants to use it more than 120 times? And it's easy to crack.) After I entered all my information, I wait for 5 minutes and lo-and-behold! a 43 page PDF document. Wow, they weren't kidding about being comprehensive. So what does my future say?

First few pages were general gibberish, so let's skip to the main kunDli.

I don't know what this means, but it's obviously important. Those boxes are called "houses" I think, and that's where the planets are placed. The first thing I noticed is "Plu" which I think stands for Pluto. Should Pluto be here, since it's now a dwarf planet? But since even non-existent planets like Rahu and Ketu affect us, we might as well include Pluto!

So what do the planets have in store for me? Let me list out some of the predictions of the PDF report and see how well they match with reality:

You will have a sober mind, good judgment and a quick intellect.

This is so true! I indeed have a quick mind, sober judgment and good intellect.

According to your Horoscope, you will have a tall, upright and well-proportioned figure.

Woah! Eerily accurate!

You will achieve a good level of education and will hold a Bachelor's degree at least.

Three out of Three! This horoscope is amazingly correct!

You will be of athletic build and will be fond of athletics and other expeditious activities.

Yes, I am ... no, wait, I'm not athletic. As a friend of mine says, I can't even jump 2 feet over my house gate.

Although you will have an out-going nature and will become very popular.

Eh? An extrovert, me? No chance!

Your zodiacal sign has governance over genito-urinary system, external generative organs, excretory system, cervix, coccyx and prostrate gland. These are your vulnerable areas.

OK, Must take good care of that.

Fortunes you will obtain after marriage, and through inheritance from deceased ladies.

Super! Now I can increase my dowry demand. Hmm do I have any rich female relatives I can kill?

Your chart indicates that you will have late marriage.

This seems likely to be true. :( Well, better late than never.

You should therefore need to take precautions and you are better advised to mend your style of running with heavy fuel.

What?

As the 9th is the 12th from the 9th, you may not be very fortunate;

In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary: come again?

Edit: I've got this! For any cyclic group Z_n under addition modulo n, if x ε Z_n, x = x + n. The zodiac is of course Z₁₂.

your spouse might oppose you and so might do some of your friends.

"do some of my friends"? That adulterous bitch!

then you may even think of having a second marriage or continue to have illicit relationship(s).

Ah! then it is OK.

you may suffer from embarrassing diseases like dropsy of the scrotum

err.

You will feed several persons particularly brahmins, a high caste among the human beings.

I think the (Brahmin) astrologer put this in every jaataka. No wonder brahmins are so fat.

Period after the age of 38 years will mark all-round success and prosperity.

Super! Only 13 more years to go. I can finally afford a PlayStation3 in 2021.

If you are a female and Jupiter is not well-placed in your chart, then you may have difficult child-birth.

Thank God I'm male!

You should take more of leeks, radishes, garlic, ginger and ginseng.

Fuck, I hate radish. But if the stars say so...

You may take 8 to 12 Rattis of RED CORAL in a Silver ring which should be worn on right hand ring finger on a Tuesday -- after mid-day.

That goes into my shopping list. Hmmm ... Does Wal-mart keep corals?

You will become rich through business, by dealing in things required by females.

But I have a PhD in theoretical computer science! Do women really need ε-biased Psuedo random generators?

Note: I don't actually believe in jaatakas or dowries. And no, I don't know anyone called Maalavika.

Sakku Sakku Sakku...

Welcome to colloquial class by Miss Lingo Leela Priyananda, a diligent teacher and propagator of the local language. Today we will learn some fine examples of kannada poetry. This melodious and meaningful song is from Snehana Preetina, a recent popular kannada movie.

First we will watch the video

Hi Res version: stage6
This song was chosen because its lyrics are pleasing at the same time profound. I will explain the lyrics of the song by translating it to English. After that you will all agree what a wonderful song this is.

Lyrics:
a sakku sakku sakku
a sakku sakku sakku

na na na nai nai nai
no no no no no no

nee sikku sakku sakku
you meet me, sakku sakku

na na na nai nai nai
no no no no no no

ninna mooti gE, ah nice nice nice
for your face, ah nice nice nice

facekaTTigE, ah nice nice nice
for your face cut, ah! nice nice nice

namma story naagE naavE hero neenE heroinu!
In our story, we are the heroes and you are the heroine!

ninna galla, subhanalla
your cheeks, God have mercy!

adaa yella, muddE bella
your face is like balls of jaggery!

sonTa noDu, ragi milla
see your waist, it's like a raagi mill!

nee junu LKG du frock, haakonDu koDtiyallE shocku!
You are wearing LKG frock, and giving me a shock!

baayalli beraLiTre kacchokE barada huDugi paapa
You are so innocent that if i put my fingers in your mouth, you wouldn't even know how to bite them!

ivaLenu gol gumbaz tunDa?
Is she a piece of the Gol Gumbaz?

kashmiri apple ivaLa frienda?
Is the Kashmiri Apple a friend of hers?

usso! oLu biDabeDa, yappo! kivi chuchabeDa
usso! don't lie, yappo! dont peirce my ears

sikkorge naanu seerunDe aagolla naan
I will not become a sweetdish to he who finds me

naDe noDu naaTi pairu, saaniyaru sava seru
look at her walk, like a young bird! Who is Saniya? She is quarter pound.

ee shastri aada ninna daasa
This Shastri became your servent

ee soma ninge lace-a?
This Soma is the lace of your shoe

ninna toLuku, ninna chiluku, namage hariva varege beLaku
your glamour, your bubbliness, let your light be upon us until forever

midnightalli banda mona lisa
The mona lisa who came at night

heLamma class-a illa mass-a
Are you for the classes or for the masses?

usso! siDabeDa, yappo! jal haakbeDa
usso! don't explode, yappo! dont put a net!

ee sakku haNNu sikkare, maiyella baayi!
if you get this Sakku fruit, your body will become a mouth!

Women in contemporary kannada slang

Young men, driven by hormones and their own innate base nature, often think of women in an impure manner. This results in the addition of a plethora of crude terms describing women in almost every colloquial language. This blog post is a scholarly review of some such words in kannaDa. Each word is accompanied by a brief description and an example of usage.

item : a prime example for the objectification of women in modern society.
Eg: maga, nam classnalli ondu bombaat item idaaLe, urvashi anta.

piger : a crude corruption of the word 'figure'. Usually used to describe good looking girls, it is sometimes used to describe snobbish or haughty women also.
Eg: aa veeNa doDDa piger taraa aaDtidaaLe.

dove: dove is a term given to a girl whom the guy fancies. Note the analogy to a white(representing innocence) bird(representing that she is out of reach).
Eg: naveen dove sumati gE maduvE fix aaytantE!

aunty: This is a derogatory term used for older women. Sometimes used for younger women who act in a mature way or dress conservatively.
Eg: pakkad manE aunty kenchangE kaNNu hoDdlantE!

Dagaar: This term was popularized by the vile and crude Jaggesh movie called tarlE nan magaa. A Dagaar is a female with loose morals. If a girl wears even slightly revealing clothes, she is labeled a Dagaar.
Eg: aa Dagaar geetha mini skirt haakonDu hogtidaaLe, swalpa nu maana maryaadE idya?

gowramma: In contrast to Dagaar, a gowramma is one who wears too conservative clothes and acts in an old-fashioned manner. Often used to describe rural women.
Eg: aa gowramma noDu, disco-gu seerE haakonDu bartaaLe.

bomb,paTaki: literally means 'explosive'. used for 'mind blowing' women.
Eg: aa film-nalli yaana gupta full bomb, magaa!

maal: yet another example of women being considered as sex objects. means 'goods for sale'.
Eg: forumnalli sakkataagiro maal noDdE, full sexy aagidlu!

petromax: used rarely. means mistress. made popular by the 'golmaal' movies of Anantnag.
Eg: iro ondu henDtina saakakke kaasilla avanigE, petromax bErE keDu!

hakki,bulbul,myna: various words which refer to birds.
Eg: MCC college mundE hakkigaLannu noDta idde, ashTralli police bandu baida!

If you know of any others, add them in the comments.

Fully prepared for Valentine's Day 2008

Music I'm listening to ...

1. Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit


2. Marianne Faithfull - As Tears go by


3. Janis Joplin - Me and Bobby McGee


4. The Who - Baba O Riley(Teenage Wasteland)


5. Lou Reed - Sweet Jane

The biggest literary conspiracy .. ever.

As Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows rolls out of stores officially on July 21, 2007, I thought that it was inevitable that a copy will leak out in the week before that. After all, more than 20 million copies are shipped to some 60 countries, making it extremely likely that someone gets tempted and breaks the seal.

In late June, a "hacker" called Gabriel claimed that he had hacked into Bloomsbury, and gotten hold of the manuscript. But the spoilers he gave out were so far fetched that nobody believed him.

Around July 13, I came across a livejournal post which had photos of the book. The Table of Contents, the first page of the first chapter and the epilogue were posted. The photos looked exceedingly real, and the contents very believable. The TOC was very convincing, but the epilogue read like an amateur fanfic. I was initially skeptical, but when the whole book was photographed and uploaded, I was convinced that this was the real deal.

That was until I saw the second TOC.

Yes, another scan with the table of contents surfaced online. And it looked ... real. As real as the first one. With completely different chapters. The photoshop experts in the PortKey and SA forums analyzed this one( as they had analyzed the earlier one) and found no traces of photoshopping.

It is important to note that both these photographs were of legit looking books. If fake, the creator would have to actually print out the fake contents on the correct size paper, bind it into a book of appropriate thickness, cover it with a high-res color printout of the cover-jacket on glossy paper. The faker is no amateur. The artwork, page numbers, page layout style, font etc exactly match the actual books.

Today(July 16), it got worse: A video surfaced. Two guys, apparently working for Borders bookstore, go into a vault inside some store. There he takes a copy of the book, very authentic looking, and opens the page where they show the copyright etc. The contents of the page and the ISBN number all match with known information. Behind him are the boxes in which these books are shipped, together with a "DONOT OPEN TILL JULY 21" sticker. Then the person tells the major plot-points of the book. And .... these points have nothing to do with the two leaked versions of the book.
The setting of this video is very believable. There is no doubt that they are in an actual bookstore surrounded by actual boxes of harry potter. So these guys at least had access to the book, if nothing else.

The word going around in the forums is ... all of them are fakes. Extremely good fakes , so good that its unlikely that some fan created them for fun. Is it too far fetched to think that the publishers of the book leaked these fakes to confuse those who are trying to spoil the show?
Creating realistic-looking fakes would be very easy for the publishers.

So which one, if any, of the leaks is true? Is this the biggest and most elaborate hoax ever done in the history of publishing? Or is it just a big conspiracy theory with no basis?

I guess we'll find out on July 21,2007.

I'm trying to do all unique jumps in GTA:Vice City ... in a bus.

I passed WOMBAT Level III

Yeah!

A day in my life

There is this recurring trend I've seen in blogland, of writing detailed accounts of random inconsequential events which happened to the author on a particular day. Not wanting to break this hallowed and sacred tradition, I am posting this blog post detailing the wonderful and utterly pointless things which took place on February 25, 2007.

7:30 - 9:00 AM
I woke up and did all the things which everybody does when they wake up ... atleast the civilized ones anyway.

9:00-10:30 AM
I had planned to attend the A/V quiz conducted as part of the "Under the Peepal Tree". I had made plans with Jayendra and Abesh, two chaps from office, to join me for the quiz. Unfortunately God/Fate/Church of God the Utterly Indifferent didn't want this wonderful union to happen. Both Jayendra and Abesh couldn't attend the quiz for various reasons. Having no enthu to attend the quiz alone, I ditched it and went off.

10:42-11:40 AM
Having nothing in particular to do, I started wandering around the KSCA stadium( where the quiz was being held ). Seeing that Visweswariah museum looked empty, I decided to pay it a visit, even though I had visited it a few days ago. That place never ceases to amaze me! The basement gallery is probably the most underrated part of the museum, you need a keen eye to figure out the beautiful mechanical and probabilistic concepts hidden in the maze of pipes and tubes there.

11:45-12:15 PM
With time on hand, how could I possibly miss going to Cubbon Park? Did all the usual things: ate cotton candy, drank soft-drinks, sat on that big rock wondering about life and the universe.

12:30-1:00 PM
Went over to Blossoms. Found an old and battered copy of The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. I would like to mention that I have an extremely garrulous friend who is a big KV fan and keeps extolling the virtues of KV's creations. I decided to check out what the hoopla was all about. Stay tuned for my post regarding what I thought of the novel.

1:00-1:50 PM
Ate lunch at some arbit place. Vegetable Noodles. Not too bad, but expensive. Lousy service.

2:00-3:00 PM
Went back to KSCA to attend the Corporate quiz. The quiz was supposed to start at 2:00 PM but as usual it started only at 3:00. So we had an hour to spend with nothing much to do. Met Ravi Subramanian and Sumeet Shetty, the quizzing Gods of SAP. Ravi as usual had bought some arbit movies and a book called "Unforgettable TV Moments". Unfortunately that book contained neither the Janet Jackson incident nor Street Hawk, so we were slightly disappointed.

3:00-5:00 PM
The prelims of the Corporate quiz "Fine Answers" started. I was attending solo( my team name was "Third Rate Corporate" ). It was my kind of quiz: not many sports questions, a few bangalore questions and a question on Dogbert. I did very well by my standards, getting 13.5. The cut-off unfortunately was 16. I stayed for a few rounds of the finals, noting that the questions were similar to last time's: arbit but entertaining.

5:15-5:40 PM
On a sudden impulse, decided to visit Styx. Thought I'll practice head-banging in preparation of the Maiden concert. I was extremely disappointed to say the least. The kind of music they played was serious CRAP. The songs had less of metal in them than a chunk of wood. No wonder that majority of the people there were couples. Disgusted, I finished my stuff in some 20 minutes and was out. I'm getting a shirt printed out saying "STYX SUX" and will wear that on various occasions to warn people.

5:40-6:30 PM
Went home on an auto. Was too bored to board a BMTC bus, 'coz at that time, finding a decently empty bus is akin to finding nirvana in a strip club.

6:30-7:30 PM
Since my mum wasn't in town, I took upon the mighty task of preparing rice. My earlier attempts at this have had a few failures, so I was relieved to see that the rice was edible. Yeah! I can cook!

That was an (exciting) day in the day of the Incipient Megalomaniac. Who said only bungee-jumpers and F-22 pilots had interesting days?

EddFest : Bangalore!

Most metal aficionados would know this by now, but here it goes anyway.

Iron Maiden is visiting Bangalore on the 17th of March as part of their A Matter of Life And Death World Tour.

The concert will happen at Palace Grounds. Tickets are priced at Rs 1500/- and Rs 900/-. Tickets can be reserved online or bought at Planet M at a later date.

Crazy Little Thing called Love ... Part I

In this post, I am going to make fun of that wonderful human emotion called Love. I know that my post will cause a lot of anger and turmoil, eventually triggering World War III and causing the extinction of humankind, but being the insensitive jerk that I am, I'll post it anyway.

Love was invented in 392 BC by a poor Roman farmer called Cupidicus Moronus. The fact that he was named Cupidicus Moronus has no relevance to this story. In fact, the story would remain the same if his name was Brad Pitt or Loganathan Venkateshulu Kuppuswamy Iyyer. Actually, lets call him Loganathan Venkateshulu Kuppuswamy Iyyer, to make him more appealing to our Indian readers. Especially Tam Brams. Especially that one Tam Bram who is sure to read this nonsense post and laugh.

Before 392 BC, life was simple for a male human being. His interaction with the female members of the species was limited to two phrases: 'I'm hungry' and 'I'm horny'. This simple and straightforward strategy had worked well for centuries, helped by the occasional use of the club to convince reluctant women. Unfortunately, by 392 BC, the effectiveness of this strategy was rapidly declining. After centuries of subservience, women were increasingly reluctant to serve men any longer. Modern historians attribute this change in behavior to the rise in postmodernistic existential right-winged trends in the early-late roman feminist philosophy. I believe that women just got tired of being clubbed on the head.

In February 392 BC, women openly rebelled. Which essentially meant that they stopped cooking, and started shopping. That was a very serious problem for the men of those days, who barely could eat their own food, let alone cook it. Several men of course, scorned at the idea that men couldn't cook. If a woman could do it, they said, so can we. Needless to say, these men were totally, horribly wrong.

Anyway, after a few dozen men had died in domestic disasters, the men of the world finally decided that women were indespensible and a truce with them was the only possible way out of this mess. Women, unsurprisingly, were not so keen to patch up with men. After all, they had suffered under the hands of men, and were quite enjoying the freedom they now had.

(A few of my more astute readers would be asking see how all this has anything to do with Loganathan Venkateshulu Kuppuswamy Iyyer inventing Love. Bear with me here.)

Desperate times call for desperate measures, the men decided. The men formed a delegation and approached Alexander The Great,( yes, the same chap who had conquered 2.8% of Earth yet called himself "Ruler of the World" ) for a solution of this problem. Unfortunately being gay, he was the most unsuitable man to woo women. Not that he didn't try of course, but women were just not his thing.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse for men ... it got worse. When Barcelona beat Spain in the Italian Serie A, what began as a friendly headbutting contest soon turned into a bloody global war. Then that unfortunate mixup at the hunting club left thousands of men dead.

The end result of all this was that when Loganathan Venkateshulu Kuppuswamy Iyyer woke up on that cold morning of February 13, 392 BC, he was, literally, the last man on earth.

(To be continued....)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

On the 21st of December, I was randomly browsing, when I chanced upon a news post on http://mugglenet.com saying that the door in the secret section of http://jkrowling.com can be opened. This really piqued my interest, because that door usually opens to reveal something significant. And I was not disappointed. A few clicks and a hangman puzzle later, the title of the seventh Harry Potter book was revealed: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

An interesting tit bit about the release date of the title. In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, we hear parts of a prophecy during the fight in the Hall of Prophecy: "...at the solstice will come a new... and none will come after...". December 21 is the Winter Solstice. And since this is the last book, "none will come after". Coincidence? I don't think so.

Everybody has their own theories about the title. Here is mine. In this context, "Hallows" is a noun and "Deathly" is an adjective. One possible interpretation is that the title talks about "Hallows" which are deathly, i.e. caused by death.

What does hallow mean then? The POD defines "hallow" as a verb meaning "to make holy; to revere or respect". That doesn't make much sense when applied to the title. But I came across another definition of Hallows in http://www.mystical-www.co.uk/arthuriana2z/h.htm :

Hallows

The Hallows across most legends are seen to represent the royal regalia carried by the King, or the objects sought by someone such as a 'Grail Quester' in both ancient and modern stories.

This makes perfect sense if you replace "Hallow" with "Horcrux". Since the horcruxes are objects belonging to the founders( almost royalty in the wizarding world ), and Harry is seeking these objects, it all fits in. But why give a new name to something which already has a name?

The other possible interpretation is that "Deathly Hallows" is the name of a place.

Bye for now. Expect more HP&TDH related posts.

Interesting C program

just try this c program:

#include <stdio.h>
double m[]= {7709179928849219.0, 771};
int main(){
 m[1]-- ? m[0]*=2 , main(): printf(m);
}

source: Kawigi.

An OGRE called AGRE

Finally finished with my Advanced Graduate Record Examination(AGRE), the specialized version of GRE. I was completely unprepared for the exam, and the only revision I had done was a cursory glance at the model paper. Therefore I was pleasantly surprized by the paper, which turned out be quite easy. That is no gaurantee, of course, that I'll get a good score; There are a million possible ways in which I might have goofed up. But I was happy with my performance, because I solved quite a few questions on logic alone, without knowing or remembering something.

That is the last exam I take this year(Phew!). Now comes the tedious and boring part of creating the application packets and mailing them. My bank balance is sure to take a phenomenal hit this month.

Anyway, after the apping process is done, I will be relatively free for the next few months. I promise to post more often( as I have promised many times in the past :) ).

Bye for now,

Arbit Post...

A certain friend of mine and me were discussing (and cussing) about the state of affairs, when we stumbled upon the fact that we both found sidin very funny. That got me thinking; If only I had a blog, I'd be famous and have lots of chicks drooling over my posts.

It took me three days to remember that I already had a blog, which I hadn’t updated in 2 years. Well, so much for spontaneous thinking.

What makes a blog tick? What is that one element, that one ingredient in the literary recipe of a successful blog which turns ordinary dough into a gourmet's delight?

The answer is: humor. I like funny blogs; if fact, those are the only ones I like. And I'm not alone when I say that funny blogs get a large number of hits. Nothing alleviates the routine boredom at work than reading a vinodg or sidin post.

By now, my slow-but-persistent mind had figured out the important equation: funny post == popular blog == lots of drooling chicks. So now how do I write a funny post? Simple, do what every author since Shakespeare had done: plagiarize.

Stealing is an art. Sorry, that’s not correct: stealing without getting caught is an art. Now, that was a problem, because my knowledge of art is abysmally low. I once mistook the Mona Lisa for the poster of the movie "Kalasipalya". But I was not to be deterred by some small thing like utter incompetence.

So begins the blog saga of the Tall King who, like the viking Erik Hender Klassen Punddig Oesterd Bjorgun, set out on doing something where there is 0.00009% of success. Watch out for funny, irreverent, stupid, malicious and plain old naughty posts. And try to guess where I stole them from, if you're clever.

And now for something completely different, a nice picture of Laetitia Casta:

Chronicles of Chennai: The Voyage of the Crazy Quizzers

Whats common to The Trojan War , 9 SAP Labs Employees in Chennai and a bookstore which claims to be one of India's biggest bookstore chains?The answer is: Odyssey. What follows is a (slightly dramatized) ( hyped-up )( completely fictional ) account of what happened during the Odyssey Quiz 2006.

The day of 26th January dawned upon us. To an unsuspecting eye, the morning of 26th was quite similar to the morning of the 24th, a little chillier maybe. But that day was the day when the brave knights of the Priory of SAP, donned their armour and set out on a quest, the quest for the Quizzing Glory.

There were 9 of us, 3 teams of 3. The first, and by far the strongest was the team Immaculate Misconception( Ravi Subramanian, P Rajesh and Vinay Shenoy ). Then we had the Dude, Where's My Answer?( Ila Gore, Jayendra Bisnik, Rohit Jaiswal ). Last but not the least FAQ: Frequently Attending Quizzes( Abhishek Ramanathan, Pranav K Wankawala, Priyananda Shenoy ).

The morning started in a hectic fashion, with Vinay and Ila racing against time on an auto and made it with about 30 seconds to spare. The train we booked was the Shatabdi Express, known for its punctuality. Once the train started, things got smoother. Ravi, Vinay and me had seats together, and soon we fell into a deep and spiritual discussion about the nature of reality and the quintessential contradiction of existence … or maybe we just cribbed about the lack of females in the compartment, I don’t remember.

At 11:00, the train wound its way into a cavernous lair of gargantuan proportions, called the Chennai Railway station.(This was the first time the author had visited the jewel of the South, the bustling city of Chennai, so you must forgive his exuberance here). From there, we caught a bus ( yes, a real chennai local bus! ) to the spot that is sacred to every bookworm, Landmark.

Many a joyous minutes we spent there, surrounded by tonnes of books, CDs and other useless stuff. Ravi added to his already HUGE collection of movie vcd/dvd by buying 20+ movies. The author himself couldn't resist the temptation, and satiated himself by buying a couple of books and one game ( Far Cry: What a game ! ).

Driven by hunger, we then proceeded to a restaurant whose name I don’t remember, and gorged ourselves. Lunch was a fun-filled affair, admist much leg pulling and teasing. Andre Agassi seemed to be the hot topic of discussion, for reasons I wont mention here ;).

After Lunch we landed up at the gates of the Chennai Music Academy, which was the venue of our interrogation … er, I mean quiz. Much to my dismay, the place was already crowded, chock full of guys who looked like they quizzed for a living. D'Oh! There's Arul Mani. There's Avinash Mudaliar! These guys had been quizzing for a zillion years now, and probably Knew half of wikipedia by heart.

After much squeezing, shoving and rude gestures, we finally made it into the auditorium. (Queue? Wake up, people … this is India ). There we were treated to half an hour of pointless Music. At last the quiz began. The quizmaster was a doctor( a pediatrician, a fact that would come in handy for one of the questions later ). Standard Prelims format: 30 questions, 30 minutes.

Our team did a decent performance( by our standards ). We got 12, out of 30. Ila and co did a bit better: 14. But the stud team obviously did very well, getting 21. After a delay of 15 minutes, the quiz master started announcing the finalists: Arul Mani and co … Avinash Mudaliar and co … Ravi Subramanian and co … Hooray! They had qualified! They defeated teams like QED( last years winners ) to qualify for the finals, out of over 850 teams !!! This was surely a feat to remember!

They started out well, and were at position 2 at the end of the first two rounds. Arul Mani, the omniscient God of Bangalore quizzing, decided to entertain the audience by answering every question with "Ozone Layer Depletion", until the quizmaster gave him a Rs 250/- coupon to shut up.

All good things come to an end; it was unfortunate that this good thing came to an end after the second round. IM then lost their momentum and ended up in the last place. The winners were some kids from Hyderabad( I might be wrong ). After that intial silly show, Arul Mani gave us ample demonstrations of why he is the God of quizzing by cracking every question to finish second.

After the quiz was over, Ravi and co slowly came back to ground after that unforgettable experience. We had dinner at Kabul, paid for by the benevolent Rajesh P( Way to go, Uncle! ).

All in all, it was an enjoyable experience. I hope to repeat this next year as well. I urge All quizzers out there to attend such quizzes in the future. Winning is not important, but the experience we get is priceless.

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