Who does'nt this guy hate?
Crops - the post apple-calypse.
11 years ago
Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Salman Rushdie in Madison
Ever since I read The Moor's Last Sigh, I've been an ardent fan of Salman Rushdie. His writing is such that, even if you don't like the story, you'll keep reading his books for the sheer beauty of the prose (case in point: The ground beneath her feet). No other author I've read (admittedly few in number) manages to string words together in an way which conveys emotion and conjures up images, and at the same time plays with puns, dabbles with double-meaning and sparkles with satire.
So imagine my joy when I chanced upon an announcement in the local newspaper that the recently newly-knighted author was to appear in Madison promoting his new book The Enchantress of Florence. So I landed up at the Borders store at 7:00 pm on July 11, 2008 to listen to him reading a few pages of his new book and answering a few questions.
A very healthy crowd was already assembled at the place by the time we went. I was quite surprised that so many Americans knew about Salman Rushdie, given that he generally doesn't write about America.(Then again, the fatwa has made him quite famous all over the world).
In the next half hour, Rushdie talked about his book, and the amount of meticulous research that went into it(apparently 7 years of research and 1.5 years of writing). He read half a chapter from his new book, relating the meeting of Qara Koz, the eponymous Enchantress and Argalia the Italian mercenary. He was witty and humorous, inciting quite a few chuckles among the motley group of people gathered there. After reading from the book, the stage was let open for questions, which he again answered with wit. Thankfully (and surprisingly) there were no controvertial questions or questions related to the fatwa etc.
So what did I come away with? An increased respect for one of my favourite authors and yes, an autographed copy of his new book.
So imagine my joy when I chanced upon an announcement in the local newspaper that the recently newly-knighted author was to appear in Madison promoting his new book The Enchantress of Florence. So I landed up at the Borders store at 7:00 pm on July 11, 2008 to listen to him reading a few pages of his new book and answering a few questions.
A very healthy crowd was already assembled at the place by the time we went. I was quite surprised that so many Americans knew about Salman Rushdie, given that he generally doesn't write about America.(Then again, the fatwa has made him quite famous all over the world).
In the next half hour, Rushdie talked about his book, and the amount of meticulous research that went into it(apparently 7 years of research and 1.5 years of writing). He read half a chapter from his new book, relating the meeting of Qara Koz, the eponymous Enchantress and Argalia the Italian mercenary. He was witty and humorous, inciting quite a few chuckles among the motley group of people gathered there. After reading from the book, the stage was let open for questions, which he again answered with wit. Thankfully (and surprisingly) there were no controvertial questions or questions related to the fatwa etc.
So what did I come away with? An increased respect for one of my favourite authors and yes, an autographed copy of his new book.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Spam-o-rama
They say you can tell a lot about a man from the contents of his spam folder. (Who the fuck are 'they'? How do 'they' know everything? I've never heard this one, you just made that up, shithead. I'll ... I apologize for this schizophrenic outburst. I've taken the meds, and we're OK now ).
Anyway, I decided to find out what kind of a man I am(You're a loser). So instead of deleting the spam folder as part of my morning routine, I let it grow. For two days and three nights, the contents of my spam folder grew and grew and grew, until the Google sent me a warning about '100% of 6122 MB full: do you want to upgrade?'. Let's see what I had inside.
Like everybody else, I had the usual mix of Nigerian money scams, V1agRa ads, ads to increase the length of certain ... err ... appendages etc etc, so I'm listing only the interesting ones.
#1: No rain in Iraq
Like every American, (fucker, you're an Indian) I watch the news regularly about what's happening in Iraq. Like every American, I don't give a shit what happens to the damn Iraqis.(Yeah, we watch it for entertainment) What's the point of this spam anyway?: Buy this T shirt and the drought will stop? Were these T shirts made in sweatshops of Iraq and that's why they have a water shortage?
#2: PhDD
As a grad student planning to spend 5 years and two hundred thousand dollars in a small, bitterly cold, midwestern city in the vague hope of getting a 'Dr' in front of my name, this spam pisses me off. I mean, they can't even spell 'Masters'! And what's PhDD? Doctor of Dubious Philosophy? The only way this spam could have been real was if it had come from Bihar. But that's impossible since noone in Bihar knows how to use a computer.(Look what you've done. You've pissed off lots of people now.)
#3 WW3
CNN must have forgotten to report this. Yeah, that can happen, it's only World War III not like Superbowl or something.
#4 KQA
Now why in tarnation would Google classify a mail from Arul Mani as spam? (Coz you pressed 'This is spam'.) Has KQA started selling V1agrA in order to pay for prizes? (Did you listen to what I said? It's not spam). Is Google pissed off that their team got 0 points in the last KQA Corporate quiz? (Aaaaah!)
#5 Marketing disguised as spam
Come on, Microsoft! You can do better than that. I know Vista didn't sell very well and all that, but stooping so low? Gee, I know Vista's supposed to be full advanced and all, but claiming that it can cure diseases? 'both male and female'? What next, solving world poverty in SP1?(Ha Ha).
Anyway, I decided to find out what kind of a man I am(You're a loser). So instead of deleting the spam folder as part of my morning routine, I let it grow. For two days and three nights, the contents of my spam folder grew and grew and grew, until the Google sent me a warning about '100% of 6122 MB full: do you want to upgrade?'. Let's see what I had inside.
Like everybody else, I had the usual mix of Nigerian money scams, V1agRa ads, ads to increase the length of certain ... err ... appendages etc etc, so I'm listing only the interesting ones.
#1: No rain in Iraq
Like every American, (fucker, you're an Indian) I watch the news regularly about what's happening in Iraq. Like every American, I don't give a shit what happens to the damn Iraqis.(Yeah, we watch it for entertainment) What's the point of this spam anyway?: Buy this T shirt and the drought will stop? Were these T shirts made in sweatshops of Iraq and that's why they have a water shortage?#2: PhDD
As a grad student planning to spend 5 years and two hundred thousand dollars in a small, bitterly cold, midwestern city in the vague hope of getting a 'Dr' in front of my name, this spam pisses me off. I mean, they can't even spell 'Masters'! And what's PhDD? Doctor of Dubious Philosophy? The only way this spam could have been real was if it had come from Bihar. But that's impossible since noone in Bihar knows how to use a computer.(Look what you've done. You've pissed off lots of people now.)#3 WW3
CNN must have forgotten to report this. Yeah, that can happen, it's only World War III not like Superbowl or something.#4 KQA
Now why in tarnation would Google classify a mail from Arul Mani as spam? (Coz you pressed 'This is spam'.) Has KQA started selling V1agrA in order to pay for prizes? (Did you listen to what I said? It's not spam). Is Google pissed off that their team got 0 points in the last KQA Corporate quiz? (Aaaaah!)#5 Marketing disguised as spam
Come on, Microsoft! You can do better than that. I know Vista didn't sell very well and all that, but stooping so low? Gee, I know Vista's supposed to be full advanced and all, but claiming that it can cure diseases? 'both male and female'? What next, solving world poverty in SP1?(Ha Ha).Saturday, July 05, 2008
Things I did today
Spent 3 hours laughing at arbit things on cracked at pictures such as these:
Spent 2 hours killing dogs and generally going batshit insane in Postal 2 : Share the pain.
Spent 2 hours killing dogs and generally going batshit insane in Postal 2 : Share the pain.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
funny kannada song(explicit lyrics)
Lyrics(Parental advisory: extremely vulgar lyrics):
namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare;
kaLL boLi makkaLru, shudda suLE makkaLru,
gaanDu minsteru raaja maaDtaarE;
kaas tinno abhyaasa, lancha vanchanE,
maana maryaadE ildE maaDtaarE;
namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare.
avr akkan naayi mari kEya,
avr amman handi mari gE;
avr ajji aanE mari kEya,
avr akkan naayi mari gE.
(x2)
namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare;
kaLL boLi makkaLru, shudda suLE makkaLru,
gaanDu minsteru raaja maaDtaarE;
kaas tinno abhyaasa, lancha vanchanE,
maana maryaadE ildE maaDtaarE;
namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare.
avr akkan naayi mari kEya,
avr amman handi mari gE;
avr ajji aanE mari kEya,
avr akkan naayi mari gE.
(x2)
namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare;
(x2)
tumbkonDidaare,
tumbkonDidaare
tumbkonDidaare
tumbkonDidaare.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Question and Answer
Yahoo! Answers seems to attract complete retards in alarming proportions, which makes it a constant source of amusement. Yesterday I came across this wonderful question:
My creative (sic) juices started flowing, and I made up this cheeky poem in answer:
Here's the actual link.
My creative (sic) juices started flowing, and I made up this cheeky poem in answer:
Here's the actual link.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Arbit Kannada Movies
I was browsing the extensive collection of movies at Kannada Store, and chanced upon some masterpieces. What were these people thinking, when they made such movies?
Starting off, we have aasEgObba meesEgObba, which roughly translated means "one for love, one for the mustache". I guess it deals with the conundrum the heroine feels in choosing between her (unmustached) lover and her (mustached) husband.
I've heard of white wine, but white wife? That is what the next movie in our list biLi henDti means. I guess it has something to do with a foriegn wife, which used to be (and still is) the No.1 fear of all mothers who's son is abroad.
jaatakaratna gunDajOyeesa, apparently was a famous astrologer. I guess they wanted to make a movie in the line of kaviratna kaaLidasa or amarashilpi jakaNachari, but couldn't afford Rajkumar.
what can I say about chor guru chaanDaal shishya? When a company called Nakoda makes movies, expect cheapness.
number aidu yekka, coincidentally is number 5 in my list. For the life of me I cannot think of any card game where 5-A is a winning hand.
Starting off, we have aasEgObba meesEgObba, which roughly translated means "one for love, one for the mustache". I guess it deals with the conundrum the heroine feels in choosing between her (unmustached) lover and her (mustached) husband.
I've heard of white wine, but white wife? That is what the next movie in our list biLi henDti means. I guess it has something to do with a foriegn wife, which used to be (and still is) the No.1 fear of all mothers who's son is abroad.
jaatakaratna gunDajOyeesa, apparently was a famous astrologer. I guess they wanted to make a movie in the line of kaviratna kaaLidasa or amarashilpi jakaNachari, but couldn't afford Rajkumar.
what can I say about chor guru chaanDaal shishya? When a company called Nakoda makes movies, expect cheapness.
number aidu yekka, coincidentally is number 5 in my list. For the life of me I cannot think of any card game where 5-A is a winning hand.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Comic
Disclaimer: All images are copyright their respective owners. I don't wish to infringe on anyone's rights and am not claiming to be the author of these images.http://www.xkcd.com/
http://www.questionablecontent.net/
http://www.phdcomics.com/
http://www.viruscomix.com/
http://www.dilbert.com/
Friday, March 28, 2008
Coping with rejections
Fall admission results are out, and inevitably some of us weren't so lucky. Let us see how various people reacted upon getting their rejection letters.
Here is Mr Iyyer from Chennai
Namaskaaram Respected Sir/Madam,
You have simbly made a terrible mistake in rejecting me sir. My astrologer Vaidyanadan Muttiswami predicted that if I joining a college name beginning with T, I will be sure to get the nodel prize sir. He is a very powerful person, he predicted Rajanikant will become superstar in 1978 only no sir.
Please reconsider your decision in the face of divine prediction sir.
Yours Sincerely,
Kozhikode Vaikuntanadan Sriramachari Iyyer
What about our beloved Mum"bhai"? What was his reaction?
Aay Professor ke bachche,
Kaiko apunse pangaa leta hai? Apun ko - woh kya bolta? - admit maangta. Tere college mein chokri log mast rehta hai, aisa maine suna, kya? Isi liye admit maanga. Jyaada shaan patti nahi karne ka, kya? Apun ko underworld mein bahut connection hai, maalum? Ek siti maara to phir teri vaat lag gayi, samjho. ja ja ... admit de, chal.
Taplu Bhai, Mumbai
Our Shivajinagar brethen tried the old juicy-palms approach:
Salaam Sethu,
Kya ba tumm, mereko reject kardio? hum kaun, maalum? shivajinagar me mutton shop Mohommad ka beta Rustum. Hyderabad mein bees poultry pharm ka maalik ji hum. tum humko admit deta to, hum begum ko bolko tumhara ghar daily mutton and murga bhejta. dedo ba, tereko kya jaata?
Rustum Karim Khan
Here is an aNNavru fan overdosed on babruvahana
Oho! nannanne tiraskarisuva mattobba ee prithviya meliddaneye? trilokavanne geddu banda ee arjunanige sari saaTi yaarilla! dhairyaviddalli, ninna pourushavannu raNarangadalli torisu! tegeduko ninna astravannu! noDoNa ninna bhujabalada paraakrama. aa paarthane reco-letter barediruvaaga, nannannu tiraskarisalu ninageshTu dhairya?
ninna aTThaasavannu biTTu sharaNagatanaagu. tolagu!
The following person couldn't complete her mail before the paramedics came:
Oh my God! you rejected me! I can't believe you rejected me. how could you? why, oh God, why? why me? But, But you admitted that ... that Sally. What's she got more than me? Oh my God, I have trouble breathing ... OK,OK, take a deep breath ... OK ... look, there must have been a mistake. I can't ... just can't ... Dammit, I can't find my Alderall ... OK,OK ... there's still time ... just give me an admit ok ... ah! found 'em ... wait, what is this .. this isn't my meds ... rat poison? fuck oh fuck ...
There are brits, there are pompous brits ... and then there are pompous faux-brits:
My most sincere salutations to those who are reading this,
Permit me to apologize for this grotesque and garrulous waste of your precious time, but I am compelled to bring your notice a griveous injustice that has been done unto me. Upon perusing the contents of your letter this morning, I failed not to notice that you have, in error perhaps, deemed that I am not suitable for joining your illustrious institution as a student. Due modesty prevents me from illustrating my magnificent persona, but it the situation forces me to remark upon the fact that you will not find a better candidate than yours truly.
I beg thee, beseech thee even, to grant up onto this humble soul an admission.
Thanks,
Xumlelo Pmabngwa
Here is Mr Iyyer from Chennai
Namaskaaram Respected Sir/Madam,
You have simbly made a terrible mistake in rejecting me sir. My astrologer Vaidyanadan Muttiswami predicted that if I joining a college name beginning with T, I will be sure to get the nodel prize sir. He is a very powerful person, he predicted Rajanikant will become superstar in 1978 only no sir.
Please reconsider your decision in the face of divine prediction sir.
Yours Sincerely,
Kozhikode Vaikuntanadan Sriramachari Iyyer
What about our beloved Mum"bhai"? What was his reaction?
Aay Professor ke bachche,
Kaiko apunse pangaa leta hai? Apun ko - woh kya bolta? - admit maangta. Tere college mein chokri log mast rehta hai, aisa maine suna, kya? Isi liye admit maanga. Jyaada shaan patti nahi karne ka, kya? Apun ko underworld mein bahut connection hai, maalum? Ek siti maara to phir teri vaat lag gayi, samjho. ja ja ... admit de, chal.
Taplu Bhai, Mumbai
Our Shivajinagar brethen tried the old juicy-palms approach:
Salaam Sethu,
Kya ba tumm, mereko reject kardio? hum kaun, maalum? shivajinagar me mutton shop Mohommad ka beta Rustum. Hyderabad mein bees poultry pharm ka maalik ji hum. tum humko admit deta to, hum begum ko bolko tumhara ghar daily mutton and murga bhejta. dedo ba, tereko kya jaata?
Rustum Karim Khan
Here is an aNNavru fan overdosed on babruvahana
Oho! nannanne tiraskarisuva mattobba ee prithviya meliddaneye? trilokavanne geddu banda ee arjunanige sari saaTi yaarilla! dhairyaviddalli, ninna pourushavannu raNarangadalli torisu! tegeduko ninna astravannu! noDoNa ninna bhujabalada paraakrama. aa paarthane reco-letter barediruvaaga, nannannu tiraskarisalu ninageshTu dhairya?
ninna aTThaasavannu biTTu sharaNagatanaagu. tolagu!
The following person couldn't complete her mail before the paramedics came:
Oh my God! you rejected me! I can't believe you rejected me. how could you? why, oh God, why? why me? But, But you admitted that ... that Sally. What's she got more than me? Oh my God, I have trouble breathing ... OK,OK, take a deep breath ... OK ... look, there must have been a mistake. I can't ... just can't ... Dammit, I can't find my Alderall ... OK,OK ... there's still time ... just give me an admit ok ... ah! found 'em ... wait, what is this .. this isn't my meds ... rat poison? fuck oh fuck ...
There are brits, there are pompous brits ... and then there are pompous faux-brits:
My most sincere salutations to those who are reading this,
Permit me to apologize for this grotesque and garrulous waste of your precious time, but I am compelled to bring your notice a griveous injustice that has been done unto me. Upon perusing the contents of your letter this morning, I failed not to notice that you have, in error perhaps, deemed that I am not suitable for joining your illustrious institution as a student. Due modesty prevents me from illustrating my magnificent persona, but it the situation forces me to remark upon the fact that you will not find a better candidate than yours truly.
I beg thee, beseech thee even, to grant up onto this humble soul an admission.
Thanks,
Xumlelo Pmabngwa
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Jaataka Tales
A few nights ago, while me and my roommate were chilling at Kaushik's place, for some reason the discussion turned to kunDlis and horoscopes. (Were we drunk? yes.) That got me thinking: What's in store for me in life? Will I live a hundred years and rule the world (my secret ambition) or will I die a destitute at 28? Will I ever work up the courage to ask Maalavika out? If I do, will she say yes? The answers to all this is of course in my jaataka!
Ancient Indian saadhus, using techniques unknown to modern man, figured out that the position of the planets at birth indeed determined a person's fate. In the old days, you would have to go to some sleazy old pandit to get yours done, but software has now taken his place. So firing up the mighty Google, I found Horoscope ExplorerTM, which claimed that it was the most comprehensive software available. And the trial version could be used up to 120 times! (Seriously. Who wants to use it more than 120 times? And it's easy to crack.) After I entered all my information, I wait for 5 minutes and lo-and-behold! a 43 page PDF document. Wow, they weren't kidding about being comprehensive. So what does my future say?
First few pages were general gibberish, so let's skip to the main kunDli.
I don't know what this means, but it's obviously important. Those boxes are called "houses" I think, and that's where the planets are placed. The first thing I noticed is "Plu" which I think stands for Pluto. Should Pluto be here, since it's now a dwarf planet? But since even non-existent planets like Rahu and Ketu affect us, we might as well include Pluto!
So what do the planets have in store for me? Let me list out some of the predictions of the PDF report and see how well they match with reality:
You will have a sober mind, good judgment and a quick intellect.
This is so true! I indeed have a quick mind, sober judgment and good intellect.
According to your Horoscope, you will have a tall, upright and well-proportioned figure.
Woah! Eerily accurate!
You will achieve a good level of education and will hold a Bachelor's degree at least.
Three out of Three! This horoscope is amazingly correct!
You will be of athletic build and will be fond of athletics and other expeditious activities.
Yes, I am ... no, wait, I'm not athletic. As a friend of mine says, I can't even jump 2 feet over my house gate.
Although you will have an out-going nature and will become very popular.
Eh? An extrovert, me? No chance!
Your zodiacal sign has governance over genito-urinary system, external generative organs, excretory system, cervix, coccyx and prostrate gland. These are your vulnerable areas.
OK, Must take good care of that.
Fortunes you will obtain after marriage, and through inheritance from deceased ladies.
Super! Now I can increase my dowry demand. Hmm do I have any rich female relatives I can kill?
Your chart indicates that you will have late marriage.
This seems likely to be true. :( Well, better late than never.
You should therefore need to take precautions and you are better advised to mend your style of running with heavy fuel.
What?
As the 9th is the 12th from the 9th, you may not be very fortunate;
In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary: come again?
Edit: I've got this! For any cyclic group Zn under addition modulo n, if x ε Zn, x = x + n. The zodiac is of course Z12.
your spouse might oppose you and so might do some of your friends.
"do some of my friends"? That adulterous bitch!
then you may even think of having a second marriage or continue to have illicit relationship(s).
Ah! then it is OK.
you may suffer from embarrassing diseases like dropsy of the scrotum
err.
You will feed several persons particularly brahmins, a high caste among the human beings.
I think the (Brahmin) astrologer put this in every jaataka. No wonder brahmins are so fat.
Period after the age of 38 years will mark all-round success and prosperity.
Super! Only 13 more years to go. I can finally afford a PlayStation3 in 2021.
If you are a female and Jupiter is not well-placed in your chart, then you may have difficult child-birth.
Thank God I'm male!
You should take more of leeks, radishes, garlic, ginger and ginseng.
Fuck, I hate radish. But if the stars say so...
You may take 8 to 12 Rattis of RED CORAL in a Silver ring which should be worn on right hand ring finger on a Tuesday -- after mid-day.
That goes into my shopping list. Hmmm ... Does Wal-mart keep corals?
You will become rich through business, by dealing in things required by females.
But I have a PhD in theoretical computer science! Do women really need ε-biased Psuedo random generators?
Note: I don't actually believe in jaatakas or dowries. And no, I don't know anyone called Maalavika.
Ancient Indian saadhus, using techniques unknown to modern man, figured out that the position of the planets at birth indeed determined a person's fate. In the old days, you would have to go to some sleazy old pandit to get yours done, but software has now taken his place. So firing up the mighty Google, I found Horoscope ExplorerTM, which claimed that it was the most comprehensive software available. And the trial version could be used up to 120 times! (Seriously. Who wants to use it more than 120 times? And it's easy to crack.) After I entered all my information, I wait for 5 minutes and lo-and-behold! a 43 page PDF document. Wow, they weren't kidding about being comprehensive. So what does my future say?
First few pages were general gibberish, so let's skip to the main kunDli.
I don't know what this means, but it's obviously important. Those boxes are called "houses" I think, and that's where the planets are placed. The first thing I noticed is "Plu" which I think stands for Pluto. Should Pluto be here, since it's now a dwarf planet? But since even non-existent planets like Rahu and Ketu affect us, we might as well include Pluto!So what do the planets have in store for me? Let me list out some of the predictions of the PDF report and see how well they match with reality:
You will have a sober mind, good judgment and a quick intellect.
This is so true! I indeed have a quick mind, sober judgment and good intellect.
According to your Horoscope, you will have a tall, upright and well-proportioned figure.
Woah! Eerily accurate!
You will achieve a good level of education and will hold a Bachelor's degree at least.
Three out of Three! This horoscope is amazingly correct!
You will be of athletic build and will be fond of athletics and other expeditious activities.
Yes, I am ... no, wait, I'm not athletic. As a friend of mine says, I can't even jump 2 feet over my house gate.
Although you will have an out-going nature and will become very popular.
Eh? An extrovert, me? No chance!
Your zodiacal sign has governance over genito-urinary system, external generative organs, excretory system, cervix, coccyx and prostrate gland. These are your vulnerable areas.
OK, Must take good care of that.
Fortunes you will obtain after marriage, and through inheritance from deceased ladies.
Super! Now I can increase my dowry demand. Hmm do I have any rich female relatives I can kill?
Your chart indicates that you will have late marriage.
This seems likely to be true. :( Well, better late than never.
You should therefore need to take precautions and you are better advised to mend your style of running with heavy fuel.
What?
As the 9th is the 12th from the 9th, you may not be very fortunate;
In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary: come again?
Edit: I've got this! For any cyclic group Zn under addition modulo n, if x ε Zn, x = x + n. The zodiac is of course Z12.
your spouse might oppose you and so might do some of your friends.
"do some of my friends"? That adulterous bitch!
then you may even think of having a second marriage or continue to have illicit relationship(s).
Ah! then it is OK.
you may suffer from embarrassing diseases like dropsy of the scrotum
err.
You will feed several persons particularly brahmins, a high caste among the human beings.
I think the (Brahmin) astrologer put this in every jaataka. No wonder brahmins are so fat.
Period after the age of 38 years will mark all-round success and prosperity.
Super! Only 13 more years to go. I can finally afford a PlayStation3 in 2021.
If you are a female and Jupiter is not well-placed in your chart, then you may have difficult child-birth.
Thank God I'm male!
You should take more of leeks, radishes, garlic, ginger and ginseng.
Fuck, I hate radish. But if the stars say so...
You may take 8 to 12 Rattis of RED CORAL in a Silver ring which should be worn on right hand ring finger on a Tuesday -- after mid-day.
That goes into my shopping list. Hmmm ... Does Wal-mart keep corals?
You will become rich through business, by dealing in things required by females.
But I have a PhD in theoretical computer science! Do women really need ε-biased Psuedo random generators?
Note: I don't actually believe in jaatakas or dowries. And no, I don't know anyone called Maalavika.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Sakku Sakku Sakku...
Welcome to colloquial class by Miss Lingo Leela Priyananda, a diligent teacher and propagator of the local language. Today we will learn some fine examples of kannada poetry. This melodious and meaningful song is from Snehana Preetina, a recent popular kannada movie.
First we will watch the video
Hi Res version: stage6
This song was chosen because its lyrics are pleasing at the same time profound. I will explain the lyrics of the song by translating it to English. After that you will all agree what a wonderful song this is.
Lyrics:
a sakku sakku sakku
a sakku sakku sakku
na na na nai nai nai
no no no no no no
nee sikku sakku sakku
you meet me, sakku sakku
na na na nai nai nai
no no no no no no
ninna mooti gE, ah nice nice nice
for your face, ah nice nice nice
facekaTTigE, ah nice nice nice
for your face cut, ah! nice nice nice
namma story naagE naavE hero neenE heroinu!
In our story, we are the heroes and you are the heroine!
ninna galla, subhanalla
your cheeks, God have mercy!
adaa yella, muddE bella
your face is like balls of jaggery!
sonTa noDu, ragi milla
see your waist, it's like a raagi mill!
nee junu LKG du frock, haakonDu koDtiyallE shocku!
You are wearing LKG frock, and giving me a shock!
baayalli beraLiTre kacchokE barada huDugi paapa
You are so innocent that if i put my fingers in your mouth, you wouldn't even know how to bite them!
ivaLenu gol gumbaz tunDa?
Is she a piece of the Gol Gumbaz?
kashmiri apple ivaLa frienda?
Is the Kashmiri Apple a friend of hers?
usso! oLu biDabeDa, yappo! kivi chuchabeDa
usso! don't lie, yappo! dont peirce my ears
sikkorge naanu seerunDe aagolla naan
I will not become a sweetdish to he who finds me
naDe noDu naaTi pairu, saaniyaru sava seru
look at her walk, like a young bird! Who is Saniya? She is quarter pound.
ee shastri aada ninna daasa
This Shastri became your servent
ee soma ninge lace-a?
This Soma is the lace of your shoe
ninna toLuku, ninna chiluku, namage hariva varege beLaku
your glamour, your bubbliness, let your light be upon us until forever
midnightalli banda mona lisa
The mona lisa who came at night
heLamma class-a illa mass-a
Are you for the classes or for the masses?
usso! siDabeDa, yappo! jal haakbeDa
usso! don't explode, yappo! dont put a net!
ee sakku haNNu sikkare, maiyella baayi!
if you get this Sakku fruit, your body will become a mouth!
First we will watch the video
Hi Res version: stage6
This song was chosen because its lyrics are pleasing at the same time profound. I will explain the lyrics of the song by translating it to English. After that you will all agree what a wonderful song this is.
Lyrics:
a sakku sakku sakku
a sakku sakku sakku
na na na nai nai nai
no no no no no no
nee sikku sakku sakku
you meet me, sakku sakku
na na na nai nai nai
no no no no no no
ninna mooti gE, ah nice nice nice
for your face, ah nice nice nice
facekaTTigE, ah nice nice nice
for your face cut, ah! nice nice nice
namma story naagE naavE hero neenE heroinu!
In our story, we are the heroes and you are the heroine!
ninna galla, subhanalla
your cheeks, God have mercy!
adaa yella, muddE bella
your face is like balls of jaggery!
sonTa noDu, ragi milla
see your waist, it's like a raagi mill!
nee junu LKG du frock, haakonDu koDtiyallE shocku!
You are wearing LKG frock, and giving me a shock!
baayalli beraLiTre kacchokE barada huDugi paapa
You are so innocent that if i put my fingers in your mouth, you wouldn't even know how to bite them!
ivaLenu gol gumbaz tunDa?
Is she a piece of the Gol Gumbaz?
kashmiri apple ivaLa frienda?
Is the Kashmiri Apple a friend of hers?
usso! oLu biDabeDa, yappo! kivi chuchabeDa
usso! don't lie, yappo! dont peirce my ears
sikkorge naanu seerunDe aagolla naan
I will not become a sweetdish to he who finds me
naDe noDu naaTi pairu, saaniyaru sava seru
look at her walk, like a young bird! Who is Saniya? She is quarter pound.
ee shastri aada ninna daasa
This Shastri became your servent
ee soma ninge lace-a?
This Soma is the lace of your shoe
ninna toLuku, ninna chiluku, namage hariva varege beLaku
your glamour, your bubbliness, let your light be upon us until forever
midnightalli banda mona lisa
The mona lisa who came at night
heLamma class-a illa mass-a
Are you for the classes or for the masses?
usso! siDabeDa, yappo! jal haakbeDa
usso! don't explode, yappo! dont put a net!
ee sakku haNNu sikkare, maiyella baayi!
if you get this Sakku fruit, your body will become a mouth!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Women in contemporary kannada slang
Young men, driven by hormones and their own innate base nature, often think of women in an impure manner. This results in the addition of a plethora of crude terms describing women in almost every colloquial language. This blog post is a scholarly review of some such words in kannaDa. Each word is accompanied by a brief description and an example of usage.
item : a prime example for the objectification of women in modern society.
Eg: maga, nam classnalli ondu bombaat item idaaLe, urvashi anta.
piger : a crude corruption of the word 'figure'. Usually used to describe good looking girls, it is sometimes used to describe snobbish or haughty women also.
Eg: aa veeNa doDDa piger taraa aaDtidaaLe.
dove: dove is a term given to a girl whom the guy fancies. Note the analogy to a white(representing innocence) bird(representing that she is out of reach).
Eg: naveen dove sumati gE maduvE fix aaytantE!
aunty: This is a derogatory term used for older women. Sometimes used for younger women who act in a mature way or dress conservatively.
Eg: pakkad manE aunty kenchangE kaNNu hoDdlantE!
Dagaar: This term was popularized by the vile and crude Jaggesh movie called tarlE nan magaa. A Dagaar is a female with loose morals. If a girl wears even slightly revealing clothes, she is labeled a Dagaar.
Eg: aa Dagaar geetha mini skirt haakonDu hogtidaaLe, swalpa nu maana maryaadE idya?
gowramma: In contrast to Dagaar, a gowramma is one who wears too conservative clothes and acts in an old-fashioned manner. Often used to describe rural women.
Eg: aa gowramma noDu, disco-gu seerE haakonDu bartaaLe.
bomb,paTaki: literally means 'explosive'. used for 'mind blowing' women.
Eg: aa film-nalli yaana gupta full bomb, magaa!
maal: yet another example of women being considered as sex objects. means 'goods for sale'.
Eg: forumnalli sakkataagiro maal noDdE, full sexy aagidlu!
petromax: used rarely. means mistress. made popular by the 'golmaal' movies of Anantnag.
Eg: iro ondu henDtina saakakke kaasilla avanigE, petromax bErE keDu!
hakki,bulbul,myna: various words which refer to birds.
Eg: MCC college mundE hakkigaLannu noDta idde, ashTralli police bandu baida!
If you know of any others, add them in the comments.
item : a prime example for the objectification of women in modern society.
Eg: maga, nam classnalli ondu bombaat item idaaLe, urvashi anta.
piger : a crude corruption of the word 'figure'. Usually used to describe good looking girls, it is sometimes used to describe snobbish or haughty women also.
Eg: aa veeNa doDDa piger taraa aaDtidaaLe.
dove: dove is a term given to a girl whom the guy fancies. Note the analogy to a white(representing innocence) bird(representing that she is out of reach).
Eg: naveen dove sumati gE maduvE fix aaytantE!
aunty: This is a derogatory term used for older women. Sometimes used for younger women who act in a mature way or dress conservatively.
Eg: pakkad manE aunty kenchangE kaNNu hoDdlantE!
Dagaar: This term was popularized by the vile and crude Jaggesh movie called tarlE nan magaa. A Dagaar is a female with loose morals. If a girl wears even slightly revealing clothes, she is labeled a Dagaar.
Eg: aa Dagaar geetha mini skirt haakonDu hogtidaaLe, swalpa nu maana maryaadE idya?
gowramma: In contrast to Dagaar, a gowramma is one who wears too conservative clothes and acts in an old-fashioned manner. Often used to describe rural women.
Eg: aa gowramma noDu, disco-gu seerE haakonDu bartaaLe.
bomb,paTaki: literally means 'explosive'. used for 'mind blowing' women.
Eg: aa film-nalli yaana gupta full bomb, magaa!
maal: yet another example of women being considered as sex objects. means 'goods for sale'.
Eg: forumnalli sakkataagiro maal noDdE, full sexy aagidlu!
petromax: used rarely. means mistress. made popular by the 'golmaal' movies of Anantnag.
Eg: iro ondu henDtina saakakke kaasilla avanigE, petromax bErE keDu!
hakki,bulbul,myna: various words which refer to birds.
Eg: MCC college mundE hakkigaLannu noDta idde, ashTralli police bandu baida!
If you know of any others, add them in the comments.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Music I'm listening to ...
1. Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit
2. Marianne Faithfull - As Tears go by
3. Janis Joplin - Me and Bobby McGee
4. The Who - Baba O Riley(Teenage Wasteland)
5. Lou Reed - Sweet Jane
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The biggest literary conspiracy .. ever.
As Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows rolls out of stores officially on July 21, 2007, I thought that it was inevitable that a copy will leak out in the week before that. After all, more than 20 million copies are shipped to some 60 countries, making it extremely likely that someone gets tempted and breaks the seal.
In late June, a "hacker" called Gabriel claimed that he had hacked into Bloomsbury, and gotten hold of the manuscript. But the spoilers he gave out were so far fetched that nobody believed him.
Around July 13, I came across a livejournal post which had photos of the book. The Table of Contents, the first page of the first chapter and the epilogue were posted. The photos looked exceedingly real, and the contents very believable. The TOC was very convincing, but the epilogue read like an amateur fanfic. I was initially skeptical, but when the whole book was photographed and uploaded, I was convinced that this was the real deal.
That was until I saw the second TOC.
Yes, another scan with the table of contents surfaced online. And it looked ... real. As real as the first one. With completely different chapters. The photoshop experts in the PortKey and SA forums analyzed this one( as they had analyzed the earlier one) and found no traces of photoshopping.
It is important to note that both these photographs were of legit looking books. If fake, the creator would have to actually print out the fake contents on the correct size paper, bind it into a book of appropriate thickness, cover it with a high-res color printout of the cover-jacket on glossy paper. The faker is no amateur. The artwork, page numbers, page layout style, font etc exactly match the actual books.
Today(July 16), it got worse: A video surfaced. Two guys, apparently working for Borders bookstore, go into a vault inside some store. There he takes a copy of the book, very authentic looking, and opens the page where they show the copyright etc. The contents of the page and the ISBN number all match with known information. Behind him are the boxes in which these books are shipped, together with a "DONOT OPEN TILL JULY 21" sticker. Then the person tells the major plot-points of the book. And .... these points have nothing to do with the two leaked versions of the book.
The setting of this video is very believable. There is no doubt that they are in an actual bookstore surrounded by actual boxes of harry potter. So these guys at least had access to the book, if nothing else.
The word going around in the forums is ... all of them are fakes. Extremely good fakes , so good that its unlikely that some fan created them for fun. Is it too far fetched to think that the publishers of the book leaked these fakes to confuse those who are trying to spoil the show?
Creating realistic-looking fakes would be very easy for the publishers.
So which one, if any, of the leaks is true? Is this the biggest and most elaborate hoax ever done in the history of publishing? Or is it just a big conspiracy theory with no basis?
I guess we'll find out on July 21,2007.
In late June, a "hacker" called Gabriel claimed that he had hacked into Bloomsbury, and gotten hold of the manuscript. But the spoilers he gave out were so far fetched that nobody believed him.
Around July 13, I came across a livejournal post which had photos of the book. The Table of Contents, the first page of the first chapter and the epilogue were posted. The photos looked exceedingly real, and the contents very believable. The TOC was very convincing, but the epilogue read like an amateur fanfic. I was initially skeptical, but when the whole book was photographed and uploaded, I was convinced that this was the real deal.
That was until I saw the second TOC.
Yes, another scan with the table of contents surfaced online. And it looked ... real. As real as the first one. With completely different chapters. The photoshop experts in the PortKey and SA forums analyzed this one( as they had analyzed the earlier one) and found no traces of photoshopping.
It is important to note that both these photographs were of legit looking books. If fake, the creator would have to actually print out the fake contents on the correct size paper, bind it into a book of appropriate thickness, cover it with a high-res color printout of the cover-jacket on glossy paper. The faker is no amateur. The artwork, page numbers, page layout style, font etc exactly match the actual books.
Today(July 16), it got worse: A video surfaced. Two guys, apparently working for Borders bookstore, go into a vault inside some store. There he takes a copy of the book, very authentic looking, and opens the page where they show the copyright etc. The contents of the page and the ISBN number all match with known information. Behind him are the boxes in which these books are shipped, together with a "DONOT OPEN TILL JULY 21" sticker. Then the person tells the major plot-points of the book. And .... these points have nothing to do with the two leaked versions of the book.
The setting of this video is very believable. There is no doubt that they are in an actual bookstore surrounded by actual boxes of harry potter. So these guys at least had access to the book, if nothing else.
The word going around in the forums is ... all of them are fakes. Extremely good fakes , so good that its unlikely that some fan created them for fun. Is it too far fetched to think that the publishers of the book leaked these fakes to confuse those who are trying to spoil the show?
Creating realistic-looking fakes would be very easy for the publishers.
So which one, if any, of the leaks is true? Is this the biggest and most elaborate hoax ever done in the history of publishing? Or is it just a big conspiracy theory with no basis?
I guess we'll find out on July 21,2007.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
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