My mom is better than your mom

I know it's a little late to be making Sarah Palin Jokes ...


"Screw you, boy .. My momma's gonna be the wize-presideynt and kick yo momma's ass."

I guess the boy had the last laugh though.

No space for F(7) = 21

This proves three things:

• I'm a big math/CS nerd.
• I'm addicted to Coke Zero.
• I'm jobless.

caste operators

Q: What are the caste operators in C++? With examples, explain the different caste operators. (10 marks) [VTU CS321 May 2009]

A: The caste operators are used to change the caste of a person.The four different caste operators in C++ are explained below.

a) static_caste
static_caste operator is used to change the caste of a person for a long period of time. Note that the effects of this operator are permanent.
Eg: Ramaswamy Krishnamachari Iyyer comes from an ultra-orthodox brahmin family from T-nagar, Chennai. After writing IIT exam three times and not getting through, RKI bribes the Tahsildar to produce a caste certificate pronouncing him a scheduled caste person. He then goes to IIT, then IIM and finally becomes a Big Shot. Later when he finds that he is no longer allowed into Guruvayur temple, he drowns his sorrow in Beluga Caviar and Dom Perignon.

b) dynamic_caste
dynamic_caste operator changes the caste of a person for a short period. While the benefit of using this is less than that of static_caste, there are no long term effects.
Eg: Ramaswamy Krishnamachari Iyyer has an unholy liking for mutton biriyani, but his amma carefully audits his spending. He buys a cap, goes to some arbit muslim wedding, says random phrases like "khuda haafiz", "wah wah" and "mubaarak" to everyone, and gorges on mutton and chicken. He then goes to Guruvayur temple for dessert (their prasadam is delicious).

c) reinterpret_caste
reinterpret_caste doesn't change the caste, but changes the way the rules of the caste are implemented.
Eg: When confronted with a bucketful of chicken, Ramaswamy Krishnamachari Iyyer recites from Skandapurana 11:38 "Thou shalt eat meat and all shall be happy". While his mother and granny debate whether Skandapurana comes above Ishopanishad, Rama gorges on the chicken.

d) const_caste
const_caste is used to remove the orthodoxy from the caste.
Eg: Centuries ago, konkani brahmins used to be as orthodox as Tamil ones, but over time succumbed to the temptation of fried fish and fenni. A konkani brahmin youth of today can be identified by the joint in his right band, a beer bottle in his left hand and a slutty girl on his lap.

Wishes

This is how a geek does it.

Dedic to some fellow in Yankmenistan.

Plutonium made dwarf element

Rueters, November 13, 2008.

Two years after the controversial decision to demote Pluto to dwarf planet status, the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry today ruled that the chemical element Plutonium has been re designated as a 'dwarf element'.

Scientists around the world expressed their approval for this bold and innovative move. "Pluto is a bad influence on our kids", said Dr Ying Hu, Professor of Chemistry at Yandall University, "we should banish it from all science."

A small but vocal minority of scientists questioned the decision. "It is blatant political pandering", said John Jacques, member of the American Plutonium Fans Association, "What has Plutonium ever done to anyone?". He blamed the Democratic party for this. "I'm sorry, but Obama just doesn't know Chemistry."

Spokeman for the Vatican, Bishop Francis Agnossi told the press that the Vatican supported this demotion. "God made only 92 elements. All others are works of the Devil."

The position of 94th element is now open. In an unprecedented move, IUPAC has put the slot up for sale on Ebay. "We want to engage the community on this matter", Wolfe said, "We are selling this hot piece in the Periodic real estate to the highest bidder". She hastened to add that Science still comes first. "We require all bids to have atleast 225 neutrons. We also need the name to begin with Pu to avoid reprinting all those books".

At time of writing, PopUnderium was the highest bidder on e-bay. If it wins, it will be the first element to be named after an annoying internet technology. Pussium, Puliyogrium and Putridium were trailing close behind.

Ondu Benchina Kathe

It was dark when I came home that evening. Having missed the 248, I had walked all the way from the Deepanjalinagara stop. Tired to the bone, all I wanted to do was crash in bed.

"Who is this Anukriti?"

My mother's voice jolted me out of my lethargy. How did she ... the letter! The goddamn letter which I had carelessly left in plain sight.

"How long has this been going on?" she asked with quiet fury.

"Three months", I blabber.

"Which bench does she sit in?"

"S-She's from a good konkani brahmin family, amma. Only daughter of wealthy parents. Her father owns..."

"Which. bench. does. she. sit. in?", her anger was palpable now.

"L-L-Last B-Bench", I stammered.

Crack! The sound of the slap resonated with the sound of my heart breaking.

That was the end. I never saw Anukriti again. The next day I was forced to join another college, a much inferior college, but one which had a single row of desks in each class. There would be no more last benches in my life.

Disclaimer: All characters in this story are fictional. Any resemblence to Anukriti Pai, c/o Niranjan Pai, 121/38 5th cross 8th main Malleshwaram 560003 is a statistically improbable coincidence.

Poli Kannada to Classic Kannada Translation

To celebrate Kannada being given "classical language" status, Google Labs and the Govt. of Karnataka announced a new feature today in Google Translator: Poli Kannada to Classic Kannada translator. The Govt. of Karnataka spokesman Dr MS Timme Gowda, explained the reason behind this new feature: "We are worried about language of today's youth. These peoples like kashinath, jaggesh and upendra they have spoiled kannada with bad words. Now that kannada is classic, we should educate them about good language".

We took a look at this new feature and tested it to see how it works.



Here are some phrases we tried and their translation

original: ninajji
translation: nimma tandeya taayi athava nimma taayiya taayi

original: nin henDran
translation: tamma dharmapatniya

original: indina koosu, naaLina piece-u
translation: vartamaanada baalike, bhavishyada mahanagara paalike

original: nin mootige girlfriend bere keDu
translation: nimma mukhakke sthree-sangaati yelli siguvaLu

original: maga, nan dove nange kiss koTlo!
translation: putraa, nanna priyatame nannannu chumbisidaLu!

original: oLage seridare gunDu, huDugi aaguvaLu ganDu
translation: madhyapaana sevaneyinda streelingavu pullingavaaguvudu.

original: kenchalo, machchalo yellavraa nin dove-gaLu
translation: shreemaan kencha, mitra, neevu preetisuttiruva sundariyaru yelliruvaru?

original: sisya, mysur mallige noDidiya? full hot ante!
translation: shishya, mysooru nagarada mallige hoovannu noDiruveya? adu bahaLa bisiyaagiruttade!

original: MTV subbalakshmige bari oLu bari oLu
translation: shreemati subbalakshmiyavara abhipraayadalli MTV asatyagaLinda tumbide.

original: by-two kaapi koDamma, full strong-aagirli.
translation: taayi, ardha loTa kaapiyannu neeDi, bahaLa shaktiyuta aagirali.

original: aa song-nalli, ravichandran priyanka full touching touching
translation: aa haaDinalli, shreeman ravichandran ravaru shreemati priyankaaravarannu sparshisidaru.

original: dum idre daasraLLige baaro! ond kai noDkoteeni.
translation: dhairyaviddalli daasara haLLige banni. Nimmannu ondu hastadinda noDi koLLuttene.

original: Dum Dum Dagaar Dagaar
translation: Translation Failed!

When asked about when this feature will be available to the public, Google Labs spokesman said that their team plan to test this using the dialogues from "tarle nan maga", and would make the feature available as soon as the testing is completed.

Update: Google Labs announced just now that the project has been cancelled. Apparently they couldn't finish their testing since their servers kept crashing.

A geek can't live without ...

Think meta.

dowry function

Now for some matrimonial math...

Death Hallows cover designs

These are a few covers I designed in early 2007 for Deathly Hallows, in response to a contest at mugglenet. Since I've been feeling a little morbid lately, I'll put them up here, so that in case of my untimely death, these would not be lost.

deprecation and depression

I'd seen a lot of deprecated methods, but never a self-deprecating one!

Yella OK, idella yaake?

With due apologies to the original source of this image.

for the love of lol

(pseud) Ivy League

I live near the junction of Princeton Avenue and University Avenue. This is as close to Ivy League that I am ever going to get.

Biking trip

Today I went on my first serious biking trip, on the 30-km Capitol City Loop. I've been cycling on the 5-km Howard Tenin Lakeshore path for some time now, so I thought I'll try my hand at something longer. Most of the Loop is the Capital City Trail, one of the reasons Madison is known be the most cycle friendly city in the US. The use of the trail needs a $4 donation, but it is self-enforced, which means you can get away with not paying (Such 'honor'able things are only possible in rich countries, in India nobody would pay).

The trail took us through some very picturesque locales, going through hills, plains, and occasionally, woods. It wasn't a very difficult trip, because the terrain was (mostly) flat and the uphill slopes we encountered weren't very steep. Except for the (literal) pain in the ass, I didn't suffer any ill-effects from the trip.

This trip has solidified my new found love of biking (And Madison is a great place to be 'romancing the bike'). I'm looking forward to more such trips in the future.

(In case you are wondering, I'm the tall guy in the white shirt on the right.)

real life John F Hickory

Who does'nt this guy hate?

Dog of the temple

Q: What do you call a stray dog outside a temple in Kerala?
A: God's own kantri.

Salman Rushdie in Madison

Ever since I read The Moor's Last Sigh, I've been an ardent fan of Salman Rushdie. His writing is such that, even if you don't like the story, you'll keep reading his books for the sheer beauty of the prose (case in point: The ground beneath her feet). No other author I've read (admittedly few in number) manages to string words together in an way which conveys emotion and conjures up images, and at the same time plays with puns, dabbles with double-meaning and sparkles with satire.

So imagine my joy when I chanced upon an announcement in the local newspaper that the recently newly-knighted author was to appear in Madison promoting his new book The Enchantress of Florence. So I landed up at the Borders store at 7:00 pm on July 11, 2008 to listen to him reading a few pages of his new book and answering a few questions.

A very healthy crowd was already assembled at the place by the time we went. I was quite surprised that so many Americans knew about Salman Rushdie, given that he generally doesn't write about America.(Then again, the fatwa has made him quite famous all over the world).
In the next half hour, Rushdie talked about his book, and the amount of meticulous research that went into it(apparently 7 years of research and 1.5 years of writing). He read half a chapter from his new book, relating the meeting of Qara Koz, the eponymous Enchantress and Argalia the Italian mercenary. He was witty and humorous, inciting quite a few chuckles among the motley group of people gathered there. After reading from the book, the stage was let open for questions, which he again answered with wit. Thankfully (and surprisingly) there were no controvertial questions or questions related to the fatwa etc.
So what did I come away with? An increased respect for one of my favourite authors and yes, an autographed copy of his new book.

Spam-o-rama

They say you can tell a lot about a man from the contents of his spam folder. (Who the fuck are 'they'? How do 'they' know everything? I've never heard this one, you just made that up, shithead. I'll ... I apologize for this schizophrenic outburst. I've taken the meds, and we're OK now ).

Anyway, I decided to find out what kind of a man I am(You're a loser). So instead of deleting the spam folder as part of my morning routine, I let it grow. For two days and three nights, the contents of my spam folder grew and grew and grew, until the Google sent me a warning about '100% of 6122 MB full: do you want to upgrade?'. Let's see what I had inside.

Like everybody else, I had the usual mix of Nigerian money scams, V1agRa ads, ads to increase the length of certain ... err ... appendages etc etc, so I'm listing only the interesting ones.

#1: No rain in Iraq
Like every American, (fucker, you're an Indian) I watch the news regularly about what's happening in Iraq. Like every American, I don't give a shit what happens to the damn Iraqis.(Yeah, we watch it for entertainment) What's the point of this spam anyway?: Buy this T shirt and the drought will stop? Were these T shirts made in sweatshops of Iraq and that's why they have a water shortage?

#2: PhDD
As a grad student planning to spend 5 years and two hundred thousand dollars in a small, bitterly cold, midwestern city in the vague hope of getting a 'Dr' in front of my name, this spam pisses me off. I mean, they can't even spell 'Masters'! And what's PhDD? Doctor of Dubious Philosophy? The only way this spam could have been real was if it had come from Bihar. But that's impossible since noone in Bihar knows how to use a computer.(Look what you've done. You've pissed off lots of people now.)

#3 WW3
CNN must have forgotten to report this. Yeah, that can happen, it's only World War III not like Superbowl or something.

#4 KQA
Now why in tarnation would Google classify a mail from Arul Mani as spam? (Coz you pressed 'This is spam'.) Has KQA started selling V1agrA in order to pay for prizes? (Did you listen to what I said? It's not spam). Is Google pissed off that their team got 0 points in the last KQA Corporate quiz? (Aaaaah!)

#5 Marketing disguised as spam
Come on, Microsoft! You can do better than that. I know Vista didn't sell very well and all that, but stooping so low? Gee, I know Vista's supposed to be full advanced and all, but claiming that it can cure diseases? 'both male and female'? What next, solving world poverty in SP1?(Ha Ha).

Things I did today

Spent 3 hours laughing at arbit things on cracked at pictures such as these:



Spent 2 hours killing dogs and generally going batshit insane in Postal 2 : Share the pain.

Irony

This is ironic at so many levels that it cracks me up.

funny kannada song(explicit lyrics)

Lyrics(Parental advisory: extremely vulgar lyrics):

namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare;
kaLL boLi makkaLru, shudda suLE makkaLru,
gaanDu minsteru raaja maaDtaarE;
kaas tinno abhyaasa, lancha vanchanE,
maana maryaadE ildE maaDtaarE;
namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare.

avr akkan naayi mari kEya,
avr amman handi mari gE;
avr ajji aanE mari kEya,
avr akkan naayi mari gE.
(x2)

namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare;
kaLL boLi makkaLru, shudda suLE makkaLru,
gaanDu minsteru raaja maaDtaarE;
kaas tinno abhyaasa, lancha vanchanE,
maana maryaadE ildE maaDtaarE;
namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare.

avr akkan naayi mari kEya,
avr amman handi mari gE;
avr ajji aanE mari kEya,
avr akkan naayi mari gE.
(x2)

namma deshadalli, sarakaaradalli
bari suLE makkaLru tumbkonDidaare;
(x2)

tumbkonDidaare,
tumbkonDidaare
tumbkonDidaare
tumbkonDidaare.

Question and Answer

Yahoo! Answers seems to attract complete retards in alarming proportions, which makes it a constant source of amusement. Yesterday I came across this wonderful question:



My creative (sic) juices started flowing, and I made up this cheeky poem in answer:



Here's the actual link.

Arbit Kannada Movies

I was browsing the extensive collection of movies at Kannada Store, and chanced upon some masterpieces. What were these people thinking, when they made such movies?

Starting off, we have aasEgObba meesEgObba, which roughly translated means "one for love, one for the mustache". I guess it deals with the conundrum the heroine feels in choosing between her (unmustached) lover and her (mustached) husband.

I've heard of white wine, but white wife? That is what the next movie in our list biLi henDti means. I guess it has something to do with a foriegn wife, which used to be (and still is) the No.1 fear of all mothers who's son is abroad.


jaatakaratna gunDajOyeesa, apparently was a famous astrologer. I guess they wanted to make a movie in the line of kaviratna kaaLidasa or amarashilpi jakaNachari, but couldn't afford Rajkumar.

what can I say about chor guru chaanDaal shishya? When a company called Nakoda makes movies, expect cheapness.



number aidu yekka, coincidentally is number 5 in my list. For the life of me I cannot think of any card game where 5-A is a winning hand.

picto-gaadegaLu

Comic

Disclaimer: All images are copyright their respective owners. I don't wish to infringe on anyone's rights and am not claiming to be the author of these images.
http://www.xkcd.com/
http://www.questionablecontent.net/
http://www.phdcomics.com/
http://www.viruscomix.com/
http://www.dilbert.com/

Coping with rejections

Fall admission results are out, and inevitably some of us weren't so lucky. Let us see how various people reacted upon getting their rejection letters.

Here is Mr Iyyer from Chennai

Namaskaaram Respected Sir/Madam,

You have simbly made a terrible mistake in rejecting me sir. My astrologer Vaidyanadan Muttiswami predicted that if I joining a college name beginning with T, I will be sure to get the nodel prize sir. He is a very powerful person, he predicted Rajanikant will become superstar in 1978 only no sir.

Please reconsider your decision in the face of divine prediction sir.

Yours Sincerely,
Kozhikode Vaikuntanadan Sriramachari Iyyer

What about our beloved Mum"bhai"? What was his reaction?

Aay Professor ke bachche,

Kaiko apunse pangaa leta hai? Apun ko - woh kya bolta? - admit maangta. Tere college mein chokri log mast rehta hai, aisa maine suna, kya? Isi liye admit maanga. Jyaada shaan patti nahi karne ka, kya? Apun ko underworld mein bahut connection hai, maalum? Ek siti maara to phir teri vaat lag gayi, samjho. ja ja ... admit de, chal.

Taplu Bhai, Mumbai

Our Shivajinagar brethen tried the old juicy-palms approach:

Salaam Sethu,

Kya ba tumm, mereko reject kardio? hum kaun, maalum? shivajinagar me mutton shop Mohommad ka beta Rustum. Hyderabad mein bees poultry pharm ka maalik ji hum. tum humko admit deta to, hum begum ko bolko tumhara ghar daily mutton and murga bhejta. dedo ba, tereko kya jaata?

Rustum Karim Khan

Here is an aNNavru fan overdosed on babruvahana

Oho! nannanne tiraskarisuva mattobba ee prithviya meliddaneye? trilokavanne geddu banda ee arjunanige sari saaTi yaarilla! dhairyaviddalli, ninna pourushavannu raNarangadalli torisu! tegeduko ninna astravannu! noDoNa ninna bhujabalada paraakrama. aa paarthane reco-letter barediruvaaga, nannannu tiraskarisalu ninageshTu dhairya?

ninna aTThaasavannu biTTu sharaNagatanaagu. tolagu!

The following person couldn't complete her mail before the paramedics came:

Oh my God! you rejected me! I can't believe you rejected me. how could you? why, oh God, why? why me? But, But you admitted that ... that Sally. What's she got more than me? Oh my God, I have trouble breathing ... OK,OK, take a deep breath ... OK ... look, there must have been a mistake. I can't ... just can't ... Dammit, I can't find my Alderall ... OK,OK ... there's still time ... just give me an admit ok ... ah! found 'em ... wait, what is this .. this isn't my meds ... rat poison? fuck oh fuck ...

There are brits, there are pompous brits ... and then there are pompous faux-brits:

My most sincere salutations to those who are reading this,

Permit me to apologize for this grotesque and garrulous waste of your precious time, but I am compelled to bring your notice a griveous injustice that has been done unto me. Upon perusing the contents of your letter this morning, I failed not to notice that you have, in error perhaps, deemed that I am not suitable for joining your illustrious institution as a student. Due modesty prevents me from illustrating my magnificent persona, but it the situation forces me to remark upon the fact that you will not find a better candidate than yours truly.

I beg thee, beseech thee even, to grant up onto this humble soul an admission.

Thanks,
Xumlelo Pmabngwa

Jaataka Tales

A few nights ago, while me and my roommate were chilling at Kaushik's place, for some reason the discussion turned to kunDlis and horoscopes. (Were we drunk? yes.) That got me thinking: What's in store for me in life? Will I live a hundred years and rule the world (my secret ambition) or will I die a destitute at 28? Will I ever work up the courage to ask Maalavika out? If I do, will she say yes? The answers to all this is of course in my jaataka!

Ancient Indian saadhus, using techniques unknown to modern man, figured out that the position of the planets at birth indeed determined a person's fate. In the old days, you would have to go to some sleazy old pandit to get yours done, but software has now taken his place. So firing up the mighty Google, I found Horoscope Explorer^TM, which claimed that it was the most comprehensive software available. And the trial version could be used up to 120 times! (Seriously. Who wants to use it more than 120 times? And it's easy to crack.) After I entered all my information, I wait for 5 minutes and lo-and-behold! a 43 page PDF document. Wow, they weren't kidding about being comprehensive. So what does my future say?

First few pages were general gibberish, so let's skip to the main kunDli.

I don't know what this means, but it's obviously important. Those boxes are called "houses" I think, and that's where the planets are placed. The first thing I noticed is "Plu" which I think stands for Pluto. Should Pluto be here, since it's now a dwarf planet? But since even non-existent planets like Rahu and Ketu affect us, we might as well include Pluto!

So what do the planets have in store for me? Let me list out some of the predictions of the PDF report and see how well they match with reality:

You will have a sober mind, good judgment and a quick intellect.

This is so true! I indeed have a quick mind, sober judgment and good intellect.

According to your Horoscope, you will have a tall, upright and well-proportioned figure.

Woah! Eerily accurate!

You will achieve a good level of education and will hold a Bachelor's degree at least.

Three out of Three! This horoscope is amazingly correct!

You will be of athletic build and will be fond of athletics and other expeditious activities.

Yes, I am ... no, wait, I'm not athletic. As a friend of mine says, I can't even jump 2 feet over my house gate.

Although you will have an out-going nature and will become very popular.

Eh? An extrovert, me? No chance!

Your zodiacal sign has governance over genito-urinary system, external generative organs, excretory system, cervix, coccyx and prostrate gland. These are your vulnerable areas.

OK, Must take good care of that.

Fortunes you will obtain after marriage, and through inheritance from deceased ladies.

Super! Now I can increase my dowry demand. Hmm do I have any rich female relatives I can kill?

Your chart indicates that you will have late marriage.

This seems likely to be true. :( Well, better late than never.

You should therefore need to take precautions and you are better advised to mend your style of running with heavy fuel.

What?

As the 9th is the 12th from the 9th, you may not be very fortunate;

In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary: come again?

Edit: I've got this! For any cyclic group Z_n under addition modulo n, if x ε Z_n, x = x + n. The zodiac is of course Z₁₂.

your spouse might oppose you and so might do some of your friends.

"do some of my friends"? That adulterous bitch!

then you may even think of having a second marriage or continue to have illicit relationship(s).

Ah! then it is OK.

you may suffer from embarrassing diseases like dropsy of the scrotum

err.

You will feed several persons particularly brahmins, a high caste among the human beings.

I think the (Brahmin) astrologer put this in every jaataka. No wonder brahmins are so fat.

Period after the age of 38 years will mark all-round success and prosperity.

Super! Only 13 more years to go. I can finally afford a PlayStation3 in 2021.

If you are a female and Jupiter is not well-placed in your chart, then you may have difficult child-birth.

Thank God I'm male!

You should take more of leeks, radishes, garlic, ginger and ginseng.

Fuck, I hate radish. But if the stars say so...

You may take 8 to 12 Rattis of RED CORAL in a Silver ring which should be worn on right hand ring finger on a Tuesday -- after mid-day.

That goes into my shopping list. Hmmm ... Does Wal-mart keep corals?

You will become rich through business, by dealing in things required by females.

But I have a PhD in theoretical computer science! Do women really need ε-biased Psuedo random generators?

Note: I don't actually believe in jaatakas or dowries. And no, I don't know anyone called Maalavika.

Sakku Sakku Sakku...

Welcome to colloquial class by Miss Lingo Leela Priyananda, a diligent teacher and propagator of the local language. Today we will learn some fine examples of kannada poetry. This melodious and meaningful song is from Snehana Preetina, a recent popular kannada movie.

First we will watch the video

Hi Res version: stage6
This song was chosen because its lyrics are pleasing at the same time profound. I will explain the lyrics of the song by translating it to English. After that you will all agree what a wonderful song this is.

Lyrics:
a sakku sakku sakku
a sakku sakku sakku

na na na nai nai nai
no no no no no no

nee sikku sakku sakku
you meet me, sakku sakku

na na na nai nai nai
no no no no no no

ninna mooti gE, ah nice nice nice
for your face, ah nice nice nice

facekaTTigE, ah nice nice nice
for your face cut, ah! nice nice nice

namma story naagE naavE hero neenE heroinu!
In our story, we are the heroes and you are the heroine!

ninna galla, subhanalla
your cheeks, God have mercy!

adaa yella, muddE bella
your face is like balls of jaggery!

sonTa noDu, ragi milla
see your waist, it's like a raagi mill!

nee junu LKG du frock, haakonDu koDtiyallE shocku!
You are wearing LKG frock, and giving me a shock!

baayalli beraLiTre kacchokE barada huDugi paapa
You are so innocent that if i put my fingers in your mouth, you wouldn't even know how to bite them!

ivaLenu gol gumbaz tunDa?
Is she a piece of the Gol Gumbaz?

kashmiri apple ivaLa frienda?
Is the Kashmiri Apple a friend of hers?

usso! oLu biDabeDa, yappo! kivi chuchabeDa
usso! don't lie, yappo! dont peirce my ears

sikkorge naanu seerunDe aagolla naan
I will not become a sweetdish to he who finds me

naDe noDu naaTi pairu, saaniyaru sava seru
look at her walk, like a young bird! Who is Saniya? She is quarter pound.

ee shastri aada ninna daasa
This Shastri became your servent

ee soma ninge lace-a?
This Soma is the lace of your shoe

ninna toLuku, ninna chiluku, namage hariva varege beLaku
your glamour, your bubbliness, let your light be upon us until forever

midnightalli banda mona lisa
The mona lisa who came at night

heLamma class-a illa mass-a
Are you for the classes or for the masses?

usso! siDabeDa, yappo! jal haakbeDa
usso! don't explode, yappo! dont put a net!

ee sakku haNNu sikkare, maiyella baayi!
if you get this Sakku fruit, your body will become a mouth!

Women in contemporary kannada slang

Young men, driven by hormones and their own innate base nature, often think of women in an impure manner. This results in the addition of a plethora of crude terms describing women in almost every colloquial language. This blog post is a scholarly review of some such words in kannaDa. Each word is accompanied by a brief description and an example of usage.

item : a prime example for the objectification of women in modern society.
Eg: maga, nam classnalli ondu bombaat item idaaLe, urvashi anta.

piger : a crude corruption of the word 'figure'. Usually used to describe good looking girls, it is sometimes used to describe snobbish or haughty women also.
Eg: aa veeNa doDDa piger taraa aaDtidaaLe.

dove: dove is a term given to a girl whom the guy fancies. Note the analogy to a white(representing innocence) bird(representing that she is out of reach).
Eg: naveen dove sumati gE maduvE fix aaytantE!

aunty: This is a derogatory term used for older women. Sometimes used for younger women who act in a mature way or dress conservatively.
Eg: pakkad manE aunty kenchangE kaNNu hoDdlantE!

Dagaar: This term was popularized by the vile and crude Jaggesh movie called tarlE nan magaa. A Dagaar is a female with loose morals. If a girl wears even slightly revealing clothes, she is labeled a Dagaar.
Eg: aa Dagaar geetha mini skirt haakonDu hogtidaaLe, swalpa nu maana maryaadE idya?

gowramma: In contrast to Dagaar, a gowramma is one who wears too conservative clothes and acts in an old-fashioned manner. Often used to describe rural women.
Eg: aa gowramma noDu, disco-gu seerE haakonDu bartaaLe.

bomb,paTaki: literally means 'explosive'. used for 'mind blowing' women.
Eg: aa film-nalli yaana gupta full bomb, magaa!

maal: yet another example of women being considered as sex objects. means 'goods for sale'.
Eg: forumnalli sakkataagiro maal noDdE, full sexy aagidlu!

petromax: used rarely. means mistress. made popular by the 'golmaal' movies of Anantnag.
Eg: iro ondu henDtina saakakke kaasilla avanigE, petromax bErE keDu!

hakki,bulbul,myna: various words which refer to birds.
Eg: MCC college mundE hakkigaLannu noDta idde, ashTralli police bandu baida!

If you know of any others, add them in the comments.

Fully prepared for Valentine's Day 2008