Bolt breaks speed of light barrier; scientists baffled.

Jamaican runner Usain Bolt today added another feather in his cap breaking his own previous world record in the 100m sprint race, by completing the race in 0.00000003 seconds. In doing so, he became the first man to cross the speed of light barrier, thought by many to be the ultimate pinnacle of sprint racing.

Speaking to our correspondent after the race, Bolt said he was happy with the record, but felt he could do better. "I slowed down slightly at the end, y'know what I mean? Got distracted by all the tachyons, man, that shit is word".

Scientists all over the world were caught by surprise by Bolt's stupendous achievement. The theory of relativity, invented by Sergei Einstein in 1845, specifically prohibits massive particles, such as Bolt, from ever reaching the speed of light. Some scientists accused Bolt of using quantum mechanics to break the speed barrier. International Athletics Council has a strict ban on using quantum mechanics in any sporting event. However the Jamaican Minister of Sports Robert Tarunga rubbished such allegations as jealous ramblings "It's clearly a triumph of human ingenuity over the laws of physics".

Runner up John Chadwell, who came in a distant second after clocking 9.98 seconds, felt that Bolt had won fair and square, but that he should retire to let others win. "There's no competition, he keeps winning. Why should I even participate?".