Saturday, April 11, 2009

Loksabha elections shifted to Zimbabwe

Taking a cue from the Indian Premier League, the election commission today announced that the venue for 2009 Lok Sabha elections would be shifted to Zimbabwe.

The decision was precipitated by the sudden increase in security following the Chidambaram shoe throwing incident. Citing huge manpower shortfalls, the police departments of most states expressed their inability to monitor every shoe at the massive rallies taken out by every party. After prolonged discussions the EC was forced to make the decision to shift the elections to another country.

Somalia, Nigeria and Congo were initially in the fray for this lucrative franchise. But eventually Zimbabwe emerged as the winner, thanks mainly to the tireless campaigning of their charismatic leader, Robert Mugabe.

Mugabe assured the EC that nobody in the impoverished African nation had shoes, so the main security concern was automatically taken care of. Mugabe said that he would ensure that 85% of the population converts to Hinduism before the election, to better reflect India's demography. But the biggest factor in Zimbabwe's favor was the cheap cost of elections: the average Bribe Per Voter(BPV) in India is Rs 534, whereas in Zimbabwe it is Zim$ 172,000,000,000,000,000,100 which equals Rs 12.

Most political parties were satisfied by the arrangements. RJD president Laalu Prasad Yaadav personally inspected the election machinery and commented that it was "better than Bihar". BJP's Varun Gandhi also concurred, but expressed concerns that the communal riots promised by Mugabe were "not bloody enough".

Some people felt that the elections were an integral part of Indian Culture and should remain in India. But EC spokesman Amar Gupta rubbished such sentiments, stating that the change only affected 2% of the population who actually bother to vote. The vast majority of Indians who sat in front of TVs and complained would not be affected, he assured us.