Sunday, August 18, 2013

NSA finds lost picture of grandma

When a house fire destroyed Lloyd Webster's home years ago, he lost the photo album which contained the only pictures of his grand mother Harriet Jane Tremble. For years he believed that he would never see his grandmother's face again. But when Edward Snowden revealed the details of the PRISM program, Lloyd felt a glimmer of hope. With little expectation, he wrote to the Director of NSA requesting a picture of his grandmother. To his pleasant surprise, he got a reply.

"When we got his request, we were a little surprised, but glad to help", Jack Reacher, PR spokesperson for the NSA told the press. "Luckily for Mr Webster, his grandmother once attended a communist rally in 1953, and had been under surveillance ever since. Once you get on the list, you stay there forever." joked Mr Reacher. The NSA then sent Mr. Webster an album full of photos agents had taken of her over the years. "It did help that Mrs Tremble was an attractive lady, the agents took many photographs of her".

Not all photos released

"We had a lot more than we sent them". Reacher said that officials at the NSA went through all the photos to remove any embarrassing ones. "Harriet was quite the player back in her youth. There is no point in making the family uncomfortable by sending them photos of their grandmother in a bikini, or tell them about that affair she had with an Italian sailor in 1962".


Reacher said that the NSA was in talks with Silicon Valley to monetize the vast amount of information they had collected. "Most of the information we have is useless for catching terrorists. It's just sitting there, eating up space. This episode gave us an idea, why not monetize it? There is a great demand for photos and personal information, especially of dead people."

Today, Lloyd hangs a photo of his grandmother in his living room. "All thanks to NSA", he chirped happily.