Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Semiconductors caught in doping scandal

In what people are already describing as The Biggest Scandal of the Year, the World Anti-Doping Agency today accused several prominent semiconductors of using illicit substances to improve their electron-carrying performance. The Agency filed a report this afternoon with the President of the Periodic Table, alleging that these semiconductors willfully and with full knowledge ingested illegal substances to decrease their band-gap. Among the accused are such stalwarts such as Germanium and Gallium, but the biggest shock was the inclusion of Silicon, a veteran of the Electronics industry and the most well-known semiconductor.

Reactions varied from shock and disbelief to cynical I-told-you-so's. Arsenic, a long time companion of Gallium, said that he was shocked by the accusations. "I've known Gall for a long time, this is just unbelievable. I think the Agency has made a mistake".

A Transitional Metal, speaking to us on condition of anonymity, said that he was not surprised by the extent of the doping scandal. "It's an open secret, everyone does it. The business of modern electronics - it's a tough business, this. Fortunes are made or lost by a micro-amp difference. Can you really blame 'em for upping their electron potential?".

It's unclear what the fate will be for the accused. Germanium was already suffering from the effects of the Zener Diode Crash of 2011, and is likely to retire from the semi-conductor business. "Silicon is gonna walk away, you mark my words. The whole electronics industry is based on him - Who do you think they'll replace him with, Carbon? Nah, the big shots always get away with anything, it's the small time players who'll get punished."

The practicing of incorporating illegal substances to enhance some feature is not new or restricted to semiconductors. One of the first public examples of doping was Iron, who was caught using Carbon to improve tensile strength. Iron was further implicated in the use of Chromium to enhance its beauty. But the Group IV had an untarnished reputation till now.