Thursday, January 28, 2010

A True Brahmin

Radhesh Venkatesan (not at all related to this fellow) was a true Brahmin. Not one of those "maneli windows 95, beedili chicken 65"-type person. "praaN bhi jaaye, mutton na khaaye" was his motto, along with "I'll beg, but not eat egg". He regarded eating beef as the worst of all crimes. For many years his friends tried to tempt him with tandoori, seduce him with szechwan and bribe him with biriyani, but he didn't budge.

One day, the plane he was traveling in crashed. For two months people thought he was dead. But miraculously, after two months, news came that he was alive. He had been stranded in a remote Pacific island where he had somehow survived for two months. He was the only one alive from the crash.

I went to meet him when he finally returned. After enquiring about his health, I asked him about the question which was in my mind ever since the news had come. "On that island you were stranded in, there were no plants or animals"? "No". "The only food available was a crate of beef which somehow survived the crash?". "Yes, there was a crate". "So!", I exclaimed, "you finally broke your code. You ate beef.". "No, never! I never ate beef". "Then how did you survive for two months? You are lying!".

Radhesh was smiling as he answered "I wasn't the only one who survived the crash".

Monday, January 04, 2010

Mayan civilization sued after nothing happens on December 21, 2012

December 22, 2012.

The Apocalypse Association, a non-profit organization promoting calamities and disasters, has filed a lawsuit against the Mayan civilization, after the disasters predicted by the ancient South American people failed to occur.

"I'm disappointed that millions of people didn't die.", said Michelle Neifer, spokesperson for the AA, "Someone must be held responsible".

Indeed, December 21 turned out to be the most uneventful day in decades. The climate worldwide was pleasant, no assasinations or high-profile murders took place, and only 7000 people died in Iraq, which is way below the average.

Not the first failed prediction

This is not the first time a disaster prediction has fallen flat. Nostradamus predicted that the world would end in 1999, but nothing much happened. Computers were predicted to kill everyone due to the Y2K bug, but that turned out to be a hoax perpetrated by COBOL programmers.

"I'm sick of these lies", says Jody Killdred. Jody killed his dog to spare him an agonizing death during the Y2K scare, which turned out to be nothing. "But this time, I didn't even send my daughter to bed.", he added.

2102 not 2012

Dr Brian Juntilope, of the Canadian Mayan Institute, claims that we have had it wrong all this while. "You see, the Mayans write their years from right-to-left. So the disasters will happen, but in 2102".

While Dr Juntilope may be right, few people from the AA are willing to wait that long. "What's the point if it happens in 2102? I'll be dead by then", exclaimed Michelle.

Sequel to 2012

Unfazed by the lack of catastrophes, Roland Emmerlich, the director of the successful movie 2012, is already planning a sequel to the movie. Titled 2038, the movie is about how the world is destroyed by UNIX computers suffering from the Year 2038 Problem. The movie is set to hit theatres in 2014.