NSA: Who's the lead programmer here? Where is he?
An intern points towards a lonely guy sitting in a cubicle on the far end. The guy JOE is fat, almost bald. He's wearing a faded t-shirt and drinking coffee from a paper cup. The NSA runs over to the cubicle.
NSA: Quick! We have no time to lose. We have to override the launch command!
JOE: Hey! calm down, man! What happened?
NSA: A janitor accidentally pressed the deploy button on our ICBM control! The missiles are pointed directly towards us! If you don't override the launch we'll all die! HURRY!
JOE is a programmer.
JOE: Sure! I'll just need to call java.wmd.NuclearMissile.cancel(). It's a piece of cake.
NSA: Great! Do it now, we don't have much time.
JOE: I'll just link to wmdctrl.jar, then write a manifest and package it into nuclear.war, then write a suitable ead.xml and package it again as stopwmd.ear. After that I just have to deploy it to the Application server and it's done.
NSA: (looking at his watch) We have two minutes left!
JOE clicks on the Eclipse icon on the desktop. The splashscreen comes up.
NSA: Dammit man!
Still loading...
NSA: (looking outside the window) I can see the missiles!
Still loading...
NSA: Aaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
NSA: Great! Do it now, we don't have much time.
JOE: I'll just link to wmdctrl.jar, then write a manifest and package it into nuclear.war, then write a suitable ead.xml and package it again as stopwmd.ear. After that I just have to deploy it to the Application server and it's done.
NSA: (looking at his watch) We have two minutes left!
JOE clicks on the Eclipse icon on the desktop. The splashscreen comes up.
NSA: Dammit man!
Still loading...
NSA: (looking outside the window) I can see the missiles!
Still loading...
NSA: Aaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE: Sure! It'll be done in a second.
JOE opens up vim and types a few lines. He saves the file.
JOE: Done!
NSA: (looking relieved) Thank goodness.
JOE: I'll just compile and execute this thing and we're done.
JOE types the command to compile. The screen is filled with error messages.
JOE: What the (insert beep here).
JOE feverishly pores over pages of errors. NSA is sweating profusely
JOE: Ah! found the error.
JOE recompiles, this time no errors
NSA: Just in time! I can see the missiles! Run the program NOW!
JOE runs the program .... and gets 'Segmentation Fault'.
NSA: Aaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE opens up vim and types a few lines. He saves the file.
JOE: Done!
NSA: (looking relieved) Thank goodness.
JOE: I'll just compile and execute this thing and we're done.
JOE types the command to compile. The screen is filled with error messages.
__gnu_cxx::__normal_iterator<int*, std::vector<int, std::allocator<int> > >& __gnu_cxx::__normal_iterator<int*, std::vector<int, std::allocator<int> > >::operator=(const __gnu_cxx::__normal_iterator<int*, std::vector<int, std::allocator<int> > >&) JOE: What the (insert beep here).
JOE feverishly pores over pages of errors. NSA is sweating profusely
JOE: Ah! found the error.
JOE recompiles, this time no errors
NSA: Just in time! I can see the missiles! Run the program NOW!
JOE runs the program .... and gets 'Segmentation Fault'.
NSA: Aaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE: Okay, I'll see what I can do.
JOE opens vim and starts typing. NSA waits impatiently while JOE keeps on writing. After a while JOE saves the document, and runs a few commands.
JOE: Look.
NSA looks at the screen. There is a beautifully formatted document on the screen.
NSA: What the (beep) is this? How will this stop the missile?
JOE: It won't. Dude, I'm a LaTeX programmer, I create documents. This is our obituary. See, it even uses sub-pixel anti-aliased fonts.
NSA: Aaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE opens vim and starts typing. NSA waits impatiently while JOE keeps on writing. After a while JOE saves the document, and runs a few commands.
JOE: Look.
NSA looks at the screen. There is a beautifully formatted document on the screen.
NSA: What the (beep) is this? How will this stop the missile?
JOE: It won't. Dude, I'm a LaTeX programmer, I create documents. This is our obituary. See, it even uses sub-pixel anti-aliased fonts.
NSA: Aaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE: Right on! This is so easy with AJAX. I'll send a XmlHttpRequest to our server and it'll be done.
NSA: Great, do it now!
JOE: Okay, What color do you want the margins to be? Do you want rounded borders?
NSA: What? How does it matter? Choose any color, man, we're about to be incinerated.
JOE: Hey, don't blame me when the usability guys raise a shit storm.
NSA: Could you please get on with stopping the missile, please?
JOE: Cool bro. (types a script on the screen). Done! See, didn't I tell you not to worry.
NSA: (looks outside the window) Oh crap! I can see the missiles now, Run it NOW!
JOE clicks on the html file. It opens ... in Internet Explorer 6. A yellow mark on the status bar says 'DOM Error parsing js'.
NSA: Aaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
NSA: Great, do it now!
JOE: Okay, What color do you want the margins to be? Do you want rounded borders?
NSA: What? How does it matter? Choose any color, man, we're about to be incinerated.
JOE: Hey, don't blame me when the usability guys raise a shit storm.
NSA: Could you please get on with stopping the missile, please?
JOE: Cool bro. (types a script on the screen). Done! See, didn't I tell you not to worry.
NSA: (looks outside the window) Oh crap! I can see the missiles now, Run it NOW!
JOE clicks on the html file. It opens ... in Internet Explorer 6. A yellow mark on the status bar says 'DOM Error parsing js'.
NSA: Aaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE: Cool! I've been meaning to try out some new features in AS3.
NSA: Look, this isn't a game. All our lives are in danger. Just disable the missiles in any way.
JOE: Okay, Okay. (types up a program). That ought to do it.
NSA: (looking relieved) Great now run it.
JOE opens Flash CS3 to the run the script. A dialog pops up 'The Trial version of Flash CS3 has expired. Please purchase to continue using'.
NSA: Trial version? Why didn't you purchase the full version, you (beep)?
JOE: Our budget was cut last year. (looks furtively around) Look, I could use a err ... crack ... to run this now.
NSA: But that's unethical! That's like stealing. That'll make us .... Aaaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
NSA: Look, this isn't a game. All our lives are in danger. Just disable the missiles in any way.
JOE: Okay, Okay. (types up a program). That ought to do it.
NSA: (looking relieved) Great now run it.
JOE opens Flash CS3 to the run the script. A dialog pops up 'The Trial version of Flash CS3 has expired. Please purchase to continue using'.
NSA: Trial version? Why didn't you purchase the full version, you (beep)?
JOE: Our budget was cut last year. (looks furtively around) Look, I could use a err ... crack ... to run this now.
NSA: But that's unethical! That's like stealing. That'll make us .... Aaaaaah!
Long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE: I'll get right on it.
JOE furiously starts typing a program. NSA waits anxiously. After a while, JOE finishes typing.
NSA:(looking relieved)Thank goodness, you're done.
JOE: Oh no, that's not a program to stop the missile. That's a unit test to test the program which will stop the missile.
NSA is dumbstruck. JOE starts typing again.
JOE: Ah! Now the main program is done.
NSA: Hurry! Execute it now!
JOE: No way! First I have to execute the unit test to make sure the script is right.
NSA: How do you test a script which stops a nuclear missile?
JOE: Simple, I've triggered a set of smaller missiles towards us. If the script works correctly, then the unit test will stop the missiles.
NSA: Aaaaah!
Multiple small missiles pound the building. Followed by long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE furiously starts typing a program. NSA waits anxiously. After a while, JOE finishes typing.
NSA:(looking relieved)Thank goodness, you're done.
JOE: Oh no, that's not a program to stop the missile. That's a unit test to test the program which will stop the missile.
NSA is dumbstruck. JOE starts typing again.
JOE: Ah! Now the main program is done.
NSA: Hurry! Execute it now!
JOE: No way! First I have to execute the unit test to make sure the script is right.
NSA: How do you test a script which stops a nuclear missile?
JOE: Simple, I've triggered a set of smaller missiles towards us. If the script works correctly, then the unit test will stop the missiles.
NSA: Aaaaah!
Multiple small missiles pound the building. Followed by long shot of mushroom cloud.
JOE is unaffected by the NSA's urgency. He continues to sit back and sip coffee.
NSA: Did you hear what I said? If you don't disable it, the missile will kill us all!
JOE cleans his ear with his little finger. He looks a little bored and stifles a yawn. NSA by now has lost it and grabs JOE by the collar
JOE: All right, All right
JOE flexes his fingers.
NSA: (looking outside the window) I can see the missiles!
JOE types a line of odd-looking symbols. JOE presses enter, and sits back. The silence is absolute. The NSA closes his eyes anticipating the impact. Several seconds pass .... the NSA opens his eyes. The missiles have been diverted.
NSA: You saved us!You saved us all.
JOE shrugs.
NSA: Did you hear what I said? If you don't disable it, the missile will kill us all!
JOE cleans his ear with his little finger. He looks a little bored and stifles a yawn. NSA by now has lost it and grabs JOE by the collar
JOE: All right, All right
JOE flexes his fingers.
NSA: (looking outside the window) I can see the missiles!
JOE types a line of odd-looking symbols. JOE presses enter, and sits back. The silence is absolute. The NSA closes his eyes anticipating the impact. Several seconds pass .... the NSA opens his eyes. The missiles have been diverted.
NSA: You saved us!You saved us all.
JOE shrugs.
24 comments:
ROTFL :D
LOL. Really good one dude!
Sellout!
Excellent One Priyananda :-)
The God of Tale things!
Why no C#?
Microsoft has a 'Top secret nuclear missile disabling group' which in fact receives over a billion dollars in funding from the Melinda-Gates foundation.
So all you have to do is Launch IE 9, sign in with your Live ID and Bing for the solution which is well documented as an interactive PPTX on a centralized SharePoint server managed efficiently on a cloud by Windows Azure!
chindi!
What happened to the lisp programmer?
(define *lisp-version* "
Joe meditates a bit on the code.
Types in a macro (stop-wmd) and then goes on to define one with (defmacro stop-wmd ...) and executes it with M-Butterfly from his emacs slime buffer. ")
But I liked the agile one. This is why you should always mock external interfaces in your unit test.
I loved the LaTex and Agile ones in particular!
Awesome... loved it! :)
LOL! Loved the Agile stuff. ;)
lol.. loved agile part!!!
Thank you for giving agile programmers a good name. ;) But remember, we usually write as little testing code as we can get away with. :P
Awesome - All geeks would have loved it. By the way- what language did you use to create that drop down thing? Really cool !
ahh nice1!
rofl..good one
@Masoom Blogspot allows javascript code now. I wrote an eventhandler on the combobox to make the sections visible/invisible based on what is selected.
Unbelievably geeky !!! Superb !!
PERL!! nooooooo!! But, I'll have to agree, agile was awesome!
That's a lovely one! Best geek story in the recent times.
I think the best one was the LaTeX guy's! :D
he he he! ROTFL :D
Keep it up
Write some on testers too! :)
aah.. and then there is the LISP programmer
who writes a recursive program to first find the next largest prime number followed by the missile disarming code.
Why? Just because LISP can do anything.
He compiles, finds out he is missing one parentheses somewhere in
(*code*(((*code*(((*some moe code* () () () ()(((((((())))) ((((deffun disarmMissile( ))))))))))
Awesome. Loved the Agile part.
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