War on Basaveshwarnagar

Reuters Feb 1, 2009

In his first major foreign policy decision after taking oath, US President Barack Obama has declared War on Basaveshwarnagar, an area in the Indian city of Bengaluru.

Speaking at a Special Execute Meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, President Obama vowed to bring peace to the people of Basaveshwarnagar. "We will liberate you from tyranny and oppression, and bring democracy to everyone", the Premier announced.

Seven F-22s left the Pacific Island Air Base early this morning. While Air Force spokesmen declined to comment on the planned strategy, an unnamed source told us that an intense two day carpet bombing was on the cards. President Obama has not ruled out pre-emptive nuclear strikes.



Latest reports confirm that Havnur Circle has been neutralized and Marines have taken control. There are still reports of major gunfire near Modi Hospital.






President Obama's offensive comes at a crucial time for West Bengaluru, which has been politically unstable for the past few years. Rajajinagar and Basaveshwarnagar had been fighting a bitter guerrilla war for possession of dasarahaLLi, a highly coveted location with immense strategic importance. While Vijayanagar remains neutral, recent attacks by Basaveshwarnagar forces on Indraprasta hotel have raised tensions considerably.

Kempaiyya, who sells cucumbers in front of Prasanna theatre on Magadi road, hopes that Basaveshwarnagar is defeated. He has bitter memories of Basaveshwarnagar, where he was once harassed by local Police for selling cucumbers.

For many people living in Basaveshwarnagar, the US attack couldn't have come at a worse time. "Why are you people targetting us? The crimes of Rajajinagar are much worse.", said Ashok who's magazine stand in Shankar Mutt was destroyed by a missile strike.

Some analysts have criticized Obama's decision to ally with Rajajinagar against Basaveshwarnagar. Mark Allen, political analyst, said "It's all about the oil. Rajajinagar has more petrol bunks than Basaveshwarnagar". President Obama however rebuffed such criticisms. "We chose to ally with R'nagar because they have better theatres: Prasanna, Pramod, Navrang ... and what does B'nagar have? One lousy pushpanjali which shows only B-grade filth. It's a mark of culture".

Update: Here's what happened next.